King of Poop... You Dead!

Goin' Out Like Elway!

2010-05-07T09:00:00.001-07:00

As I stated last week I am a man of the people. The people have spoken and it is time to hang it up. Given the fact that 5 people voted in a week I think that kind of answered the question. Blogs are dead! I’m sorry to say this, but my brother called this back in August when he shut down his. I said that the blog would vanish if you voted for it to vanish, but I changed my mind. When I was 9 years old I hit my first (and last) walk off homerun. I will never forget the feeling of trotting around the bases knowing the game was over and I won it! That is what I want to do with the blog, although I may not be able to recreate me running the bases of Whurzelbacher (sp? (whocares)) Field, I wanted to hit a walk off, Go out like Elway, or whatever cliché works for you so here you go, I give you The Legend of Jim Brockmire.

Gamechangers Ep 3: A Legend in the Booth with Hank Azaria from Hank Azaria

Fin.

State of the Blog...

2010-04-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

OK here's the deal. Honestly videos have been pretty bad this week, and this is as good a Friday as any to get your feedback. Since I am a man of the people I want to give you what you want. I've been thinking about shuttin down the ole Blog since I have accomplished the acclaimed "Last Man Blogging" status and accomplished my goals. So here's the deal, if you want me to shut it down, I will. If you want me to keep posting videos and the occasional list of (what I think are) funny pictures I'll do that too. Otherwise I'm going to have to resort to getting a Facebook account (3 years too late). So vote on my poll! You have til next Friday at noon, when the blog will either contain new videos, or cease to exist... The fate of about 4 people is in YOUR hands!!!

And now to complete your week!

2010-04-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

If you heard about the dude who broke in on people having “relations” at a White Sox game, here is apparently what really went down!

The narration for this is pretty low quality, but the video is great!

I need to get this game, although given the graphics it looks like I can only get it on Wii. Yeah I said it Wii sucks! You know it does!

Little Bicycle Drifting Master - Watch more Funny Videos
Annnnndddd… imagine that she’s Asian. This is why I love stereotypes, THEY’RE ALWAYS RIGHT!

WOW.

Dang, 2 skits worth watching? That may have been the best episode of SNL EVER!!!

I know you all thought I forgot about you. I could never do that!

2010-04-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Fire Department Makes Slip And Slide Awesome - Watch more Funny Videos
Nothing like getting pelted by a fire hose on the way to your watery death!

Skater Kid Falls Off the Roof - Watch more Funny Videos
Whodda thunk the idea of skateboarding OFF THE ROOF!!! Could have ended so badly?

I’m not sure, but this may be what is wrong with America!

Holy crap dude.

Star Wars Uncut "The Escape" from Casey Pugh on Vimeo.

This very well may be the best Star Wars Tribute video since Leader Wars!

I have no idea what this is, but I like it!

Allow me to clear out some pictures.

2010-04-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Nothin better than puking into a urinal, Simon's been there!

Wrestling. Yup nothing gay about it!

Is that a tattoo of 2 unicorns humping?

Gangsta Optimus Prizzime is a BAMF!!!

I see how all of these men are related.

Here's to hoping that guy can make a balloon woman to have sex with, cuz it's never gonna happen otherwise!

Pain in 3, 2...

Mom you still read my blog don't you???

2010-04-09T10:17:00.001-07:00

This is pretty good, and it’s for the greatest beer ever produced!

Backflip Off Swing With A Nut Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
Why does the fat kid always have to be the one who gets hit in the nuts? I’m just asking but it is fact!

So I know that all of America has seen this video, but I’s still great. Plus I just wanted to say “IN THE FACE!!!!!

So by now everyone has seen the new Tiger commercial with his dad, not many have seen the one with his mom!

Indeed MMA is NOT gay! Rriiiiiggggghhhhtttttt…..

Epic Airbag Ride and Faceplant - Watch more Funny Videos
This is what Hillbillys do in their garages, when they are not cooking meth and making homemade fireworks!

I found a rare video of B’s Mom, shall we say ummmm…. Practicing?

Possibly my best week of videos in months, if not weeks!

2010-04-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

Wait for it…. No really wait for it. You’re welcome!

Seriously this gay dude can fight!!! How do I know he is gay you ask? Because I watched the entire video, watch him drop it like it’s hot at the end!

I never witnessed Jamie Gatto fall off the diving board at the PRF Pool (which I’ve heard he did several dozen times) but I’m sure it looked something like this…

This video is one of my favorites! There aren’t many things that I love more than Gus Johnson and Dogs humping things. Combine them and you have an amazing video!

Turn the volume down a lil bit! Everest!

Videos...Blah.

2010-03-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Painful Spring Break Cliff Dive Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
This video is just missing a “SPRING BREAK MUTHERF^%$#R” to make it perfect.

I’m buying a PSP toKnight!

Fitness Drill Faceplant - Watch more Funny Videos
Once again take it from Tim Callahan, “No one ever got hurt sitting on the couch!”

This is what kids learn to play in foreign countries I guess…

First of all there is no way this is real, but it’s still pretty badass!

LOOK AT THE BABY!!!

2010-03-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

The Callahan Family
Here is a video that out Picture Lady made us from all of Riley spics over the last year. Sorry there is no PWNAGE, or nut shots, or Really long basketball shots, or fails, or Cubans, or someone getting Hamrick’d or Andy Samberg.

Dude you were SOOO CLOSE!!! Maybe not.

Down The Stairs With Style - Watch more Funny Videos
Sure you’re wearing Capri pants, but that’s still pretty badass!

Buseyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Nick I think we found your Uncle Rudy! Why couldn’t his name have been Ernesto???

Lazy Sunday Live. Nuff Said.

Happy Birthday to Me. Here's some Videos!

2010-03-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

OK so this is kind of long, but still funny.

Little Dude Gets Crushed By Hoop - Watch more Funny Videos
Seriously kids this is what happens when your dad doesn’t know what he’s doing installing your hoop!

Baammm! Ok this is why co-ed sports blow. The shortstop chucks the ball a little wide, the chick at 1st Base can’t catch and the shortstop ends up feeling bad! If she would have hit the ball at another lesbian the throw would have not been as hard and she’s ok. Most importantly why does the team in the field have a lefty playing shortstop?

Modern Family is most likely my favorite show right now. Cam the fat gay guy may be the best character on TV.

Tosh.0

Game Ovaries

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

The weekly Tosh.0 clip does not disappoint! I agree the nutshot should not be limited to guys! Game Ovaries!

Been too long...

2010-03-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

Justin just J.I.M.P.'d

Lego Hawking!!! I'm going to hell...

This picture is quite simply one of my favorites!

If this had come out when J. Hall was playing guitar he would still be rockin.

Few go as Darth Vader sans helmet for Halloween.

This is a nice piechart representing DMX's Bitches. Well Done.

So I set this as my icon on Twitter, but I had to post it as well. Unfortunately Goatse is a thing of the past and will only be remembered by those who have that image burned into their brains!

1 Friday, 2 Curling Videos!!!

2010-03-05T09:13:00.000-08:00

Wow, someone is really good at Wii Curling. And by Wii Curling I mean Whackin.

My promise to you is that anytime I see a video with an exercise ball and treadmill in it I will post it! Throw in some Lil John, and it’s a must!

Fan Faceplants Rim on Trampoline Jump - Watch more Funny Videos
You got knocked the fuuuhhh out!

"America's Funniest Home Video" - watch more funny videos

Fake Lottery tickets ruin lives!

Am I the only one who finds these ESPN Classic sketches hilarious?

Tosh.0

Oh My Gosh

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

And for the weekly Tosh.0 clip!

The day before Saturday.

2010-02-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

EMBED-Stupid Blonde High Jump Fail - Watch more free videos
This is how a Northwest High School track meet goes down! Is it me or is the bar laying on the mat?

Let’s hope this will make my signed Vince Carter Basketball go up in value!

Reading Rainbow Banned Book Review #2 - watch more funny videos

Lavar Burton, you racist Bastard!

Pogo Stick to Shovel Nutshot - Watch more Funny Videos
Why the fat kid just stood there with a smile on his face is beyond me…

Tosh.0

Video Breakdown - Drunken Darts

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

As you may know Tosh.0 has become one of my favorite shows because it combines 2 of my favorite things, Funny videos and smart ass comments!

Tosh.0

Surprise Trust Falls

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

And a nothah one.

So I was bust today. Here's some videos at 3:30!

2010-02-19T12:32:00.000-08:00

Never in my life has a BBQ commercial made want to make sweet, sweet love. Until now.

Hey Oprah, it’s called AIDS face and we’ve been trying to get rid of it since he was a Boilermaker!

This dude is kind of impressive. If Number2 was still rockin’ out, we’d hire him.

Back Flip Off Fence Faceplant - Watch more Funny Videos
He under-rotated just a little…

I just threw up in my mouth.

I can do that.

Not my strongest week, but they can't all be Spectacular...

2010-02-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

So you tie 2 guys to a podium and let them kick the crap out of each other? I see how this is a sport. Wait no I don’t!

Not sure why’d you go PowerWheels vs. Mini Bike, but I like the outcome!

Hammer Toss Into Buddy's Nuts - Watch more Funny Videos
What’s the worst thing you could possible see while filming your buddy do the hammer throw? This.

Volskwagen Punch Buggy - Watch more Big Game Bonanza
This was on my surprisingly funny commercial list from the Super Bowel.

How come people who talk like this are always named something like Francis.

Hillbillys + Fireworks always =’s a good video!

3 Comments Last Week... Well Done!

2010-02-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

This is a kids show??? Well at least they got the sound right!

This kind of reminds me of the time I tried to drop in a half pipe on rollerblades. Not good!

Great Video, Mark Titus is THE REASON why we love walk-ons. My hatred for the Buckeyes is not deep enough for me to not love this guy. Read his blog www.clubtrillion.com especially how this video put him on ESPN and his comparison of that experience to Squints frenching Wendy Peffercorn!

Bam!

This is most likely what is going to happen if we recreate Wrestle Mania as some have suggested.

Pole Vault Snaps - Watch more Funny Videos
Not sure what this sport is, but I think it did not end well for this dude.

Some Friday Videos and an Extra...

2010-01-29T09:42:00.001-08:00

In honor of Rey Maualuga's DUI here is a great picture of him with some chicks and an ummm... Little Person.

Awwww Damn… HE GOT HAMRICK’D!!!

Manny Pacquiao! The note-for-note worst singer on the face of the planet! Move over chick who ALWAYS sat behind me at the Big Vineyard, you have company!!!

Here’s a pretty funny commercial.

Fast Forward to the 1:15 mark if you want to see a dwarf “jump ball.” In a related note, I still have no respect for a basketball player who can’t dunk!!!

Dude Pranks Championship Team - Watch more Funny Videos
I’ve always wondered if you could do this during the commotion of winning a game. And of course it takes soccer to show us it is possible.

Tosh.0

Video Breakdown - Twitchy Weightlifter

www.comedycentral.com

Web Redemption

2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction

Demi Moore Picture

I almost posted this video last week of the weightlifter. Then I saw it again on Tosh.0, which is the best show that you don’t watch! He takes a great video and makes it funnier!!!

A few Pictures...

2010-01-26T12:33:00.001-08:00

Thundercats Hoooooooo! Best costume ever!!!

Soccer. Yur not making it LESS gay!

This should be the next statue at GABP!

Ahhh Middle School Dance's, memories...

One thing that will never be on this blanket? A naked woman!

Finally a good use for a Mac.

I agree.

The Parent of the Year Award goes too...

People Shuttin Down Their Blogs. I'm Still Going STRONG!!!

2010-01-22T09:30:00.001-08:00

The words shopping cart and half pipe do not typically appear in the same sentence… This is why!

This is kind of how I used to dominate street hockey in the Welch Elementary parking lot, until the game would end when I hit my brother in the nuts with the puck.

Ouch! I think his face exploded.

Ping Pong Table Slide and Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
Simon is this how you fold up a ping pong table?

I don’t know what’s better a 200 lb. 10 year old Mexican kid, or his little rap video dancers. The future looks bright kids…

My weener just crawled back inside me.

Foorball+Drywall+Gambling=Fantastic Weekend!

2010-01-15T07:33:00.000-08:00

By the way if either of the 2 people that read my blog want to go to the Northwest H.S. Monte Carlo Knight, call me! That's where I'll be Saturday Knight!

I think I would just choose death. Unless there was a French Tickler on the end of that hose.

EMBED-Chick Sleds Into Parked Car - Watch more free videos
Not sure if I have posted this before, but it is pretty awesome!

This Cock is Soooo metal! I think that Number2 opened for him at the battle of the bands!

Here was Conan’s monologue the other knight, zing.

Sport Report - Gilbert Arenas & Mark McGwire

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Economy

The Sport Repor does not happen often, but when it does, it’s great!

EMBED-Hitler Weighs in on the OBrien/Leno Controversy - Watch more free videos
I like the insight that Hitler gives! First UD Basketball, now Conan. Well done Hitler, well done.

Ohh Friday, I Love You So...

2010-01-08T10:08:00.000-08:00

Hey Lee, that kid is Blind!!!

I feel like I have posted similar videos, but this one is great! LeBron is a freak!

I’ve been known to do a mean Robot, but I got nothing on these dudes.

If you know me, you know that I love a good compilation. This I’ve been told is a compilation of .gif’s??? Whatever that means. Maybe a .gif is a funny clip with horrible rave music!

Chappelle's Show

Tyrone Biggums - Fear Factor

www.comedycentral.com

Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs

Black Comedy

True Hollywood Story

This may be my favorite Chapelle’s Show clip.

Journey Fail. Someone please tell me we weren’t this bad in the variety show when we thought we rocked out!

Picture Time.

2010-01-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

Not sure what is goin on here, but that dude has some fuzzy pink handcuffs! Oh wait, now I know what's goin on. gross.

Wow, if you were wearing all white, you would be an Oompa Loompa.

Micky D's Biatch!

Finally a tough kid playing soccer.

Dog porn is the dirtiest.

This picture would not be nearly as good without the Skyline bag next to him!

Cup Check. Annnnnddd, his name is Kimura. Thank you stereotypes for always being correct!

It's kind of Friday! 19 Hours til Nawlins!!!

2009-12-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

If you can drift in a Semi, you are pretty much a badass!

I’ve tried to do this, but Ed always catches the blade. I personally love his grunt in slo-mo!

This is better than the kids opening their Nintendo!

Then there is this kid who humps his Xbox at the :50 mark! I think the last 2 videos have proven my point of who’s cooler PS3 guy or Xbox Guy, the answer would be neither!

Wow did KFC just say that you could please a whole bunch of black people with a bucket of chicken? Yikes.

This was my favorite part of Hard Knocks! Who says Marvin is a pushover? Dude I get chills everytime I replay it. Let’s hope he makes a similar speech before Sunday Knights game, and for the playoffs! Who Freakin Dey! Keep lookin down Laverneous’es’es.

Frozen and concussed your life is not good!

Some More Pictures.

2009-12-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

Since I don't want to hear it from the wife, here's our Christmas picture. That's how a Callahan Christmas goes down, happy baby with KKK hat on, fake fire on the TV, dog on the couch, and too many presents. Welcome to my world!

Damn You soccer! It's too easy people.

Thank You Michigan for your high standards, now if we could just figure out why OSU has so many clogged pipes...

GINGER'S MUTHAF&%$AZ!!!

Hmmm, this is what goes down on the Care Bears now? And by "go down" I mean happens, you sick bastards.

Here is a picture of George Hamilton's Mom.

I think I just found my Halloween costume for next year.

Feliz Navi Christmas! Here's some Videos!

2009-12-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

This my friends is what has happened to the homebuilding industry with absolutely no houses to build! Tragic.

Failed Backflip Faceplant Off Trampoline - Watch more Funny Videos
Good luck with that nasty knee gash. I heard the healthcare system is great in Mexico.

I actually think it’s kind of funny that there is a song called “Star Trekin’”

Here is the best of the decade. Sure we’ve seen most of the, but I still crapped myself!

Skinny Kid Fails Squatting 600lbs - Watch more Funny Videos
Dear skinny punks, don’t try to squat 600 lbs. it won’t end well!

Andrew Sings His Christmas Song - Watch more Funny Videos
Andrew wishes you a Mewwy Cwithmuth! Why are the best words always the hardest for kids with speech impediments to pronounce?

Short Day Friday so here you go...

2009-12-21T05:26:00.000-08:00

Kid Plays Im Yours On Ukelele - Watch more Funny Videos
Given his facial expressions and head banging he should be playing punk rock on his Ukelele.

One of the important aspects of the rope swing is often one of the most overlooked… LET GO!

CBTS needs to hire these guys to work on their new ads! Goodbye Thom Brenneman hello Nintendo music!

Straight Macho Man off the top of a building! You are dead!

Women’s Bowling > Women’s Pool!

Back from Mexico!

2009-12-15T05:15:00.001-08:00

Sorry, I had some of these ready to go before I left, but didn't have time to post them on Friday!

Ditzy Blonde Chick Faceplants Off Ball - Watch more Funny Videos
I hope Johnny Boy was impressed.

Worst Soccer Shot Miss of All Time - Watch more Funny Videos
Awww damn, he is Chad Hill? Wait for it though at the end, awww damn He got Hamrick’d!

Wow. You are not good at driving quads!

Shot out to Anonymous (here you go Dunner!)

Tuesday is a day for pictures (and hookers)

2009-12-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

So the Wife wanted me to post a picture of Riley since I'm also doing pictures now. This is a picture of a child who has managed to get his entire pacifier in his mouth. He takes after his mom folks, hiyooooo...

Ohhh soccer, why is it so easy?

No really he USED to be fat, not anymore.

Love is patient, love is Kin... and I'm spent...

Apparently Referee #23 has VY on his fantasy team!

I think we have finally found someone to beat Murph at ping pong. Don't be fooled by the flapping arm skin, she is ruthless.

Chocolate Log? That was my nickname in college.

This is on my wall right next to my desk. Motivation all day.

GO BEARCATS!!!

2009-12-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

2 hits straight outta NFL Blitz! In a related story I just signed Riley up to play for the Bulldogs in 5 years!

Who didn’t see this coming a mile away? (pun intended).

Kid Starts Backflip Too Early - Watch more Funny Videos
I love the sound a skull makes when it hits something solid.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I love a good parody of the Superbowl Shuffle!

You gotta lube up the bottom of the storage bin with Crisco. Everyone knows that!

Bad news world. It seems as though Jeff Davis has procreated!

I have more pictures!

2009-11-30T12:40:00.000-08:00

OK so maybe this will become a weekly thing. You would be surprised to find out how easy it is to find funny pictures on the intranets.

Which one you goin with? I say Cowboy hat!

So I just found my brother's Christmas present.

The main difference between this picture and other pictures of people on Santa's lap is that there are 2 erections in this photo!

A rare look inside a Hamilton! strip club.

Really? Am I the only one who sees it?

Way to go with the Family Sized Bling!

You boy just became a level 63 Warlock! Next he will attempt to see some boobies (most likely his own).

It's kind of Friday. Here you go!

2009-11-25T09:16:00.000-08:00

Awww Damn! She got… a concussion! Sorry I couldn’t do it.

Somehow I have managed to find something funny from SNL this year. Miracle. Bring back Deephouse Dish!

Spectacular Speedboat Flip and Crash - Watch more Funny Videos
This is how Ernie drove pre-quad bypass.

This is how I always started off a game of H-O-R-S-E, rarely did I win. Damn you Rob Burnett!

I wish I could say this was the first time that I watched a video containing the words, Giraffe and Facial, but it’snot. (see what I did there?)

Tuesday? What?

2009-11-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

So here you go my long awaited new segment... Pictures that DJ Hotlunch thinks are funny! Bam here you go! By the way videos will be posted TOMORROW!!! unless my boss tells us to go home before lunch, then they will be posted next week!

Damn you Mario Turtle!

Is it wrong to Tap the Rockies while breastfeeding a child? I say no!

Amen brother. Amen.

There is nothing hotter than a chick resting her gut on a fencepost!

Ladies and Gentlemen I say it again Gary Busey is Superman!

So is this guy taking a pregnant chick hostage or protecting his woman?

Videos Today!

2009-11-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

Just an FYI I will be starting a new not so regular feature on my blog next Mon / Tues, come back then to find out!

Epic Seesaw Flip and Failure - Watch more Funny Videos
Ouch!

Soccer Direct Hit Nut Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
Would that be a direct or indirect kick to the nether region?

Wrangler Really Tiny Jean Shorts - watch more funny videos

I had a pair of these back in the 80’s.

Ohhh, Save Me Tom Cruise. That is the sound of skull cracking the floor!

Young Soccer Goalie Scores on Own Team - Watch more Funny Videos
Aww Damn… She Hamrick’d HERSELF!

In case you’re wondering this would be your big balls move of the week!

It's Friday! GO BEARCATS!!!

2009-11-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

Haven’t watched much of the Cleveland Show, but he did rap in it one time. P.S. if the editing in this video did not work then blame Simon, he told me about it!

Awwww Damn! He got Hamrick’d! This is how the PRF Raiders did it right here!

If you can figure out what is going on here then you are a better man than I. Wait did he just skeet, skeet, skeet bananas out of his nose on that chick’s lap? I feel dirty!

Marriage Proposal FAIL - Watch more Funny Videos
Fail! Well atleast you can snag a sno cone from that dude!

Damn Rampage just worked that door! He must have just lost a video game, that is the only thing that could make someone that mad!

Videos...Soccer Fans!

2009-11-06T09:20:00.001-08:00

Thanks Numa Numa Guy for wearing you headphones so we knew who you were!

This is kind of cool.

Wow AMAZING song writing skills. Enjoy her next song, “Fixin’ me a sammich!”

Once again, if you don’t take a dive you don’t snap your arm in half!

This Chick is tougher than any of the guy soccer players that I have ever shown videos of on this blog! You know she never takes a dive. Look at that back to back soccer videos.

Bike Stunt Fail With Nutshot - Watch more Funny Videos
Wow he almost made it. And by almost I mean he wasn’t even close!!!

Blogs are Dead, but I Keep on Kickin!

2009-10-30T09:34:00.001-07:00

Awesome Ghostbusters Multitrack - Watch more Funny Videos
Apparently this is a dude. I swear it’s one of the thespians that sit next to me at Bengals games.

Chances are this little kid can kick you’re a$$!

95-Yard Soccer Goal - Watch more Funny Videos
Is it still getting Hamrick’ed if the ball bounces?

Just another reason why a tandem bike is not a good idea.

I’m getting me a Coca-Cola hat with razorblades taped to the back. This video makes me want to be a cop, so I can get trained by a video this awesome!

Early Videos Today.

2009-10-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what’s worse, the look on his face or the sound he makes.

Shopping Cart Faceplant - Watch more Funny Videos
Dude definitely left some epidermis on the concrete.

David Wells is the man! Why did the Reds ever let him go? Oh yeah I remember, BECAUSE THEY’RE THE REDS!!!

Well done Japan! Not sure, but this video may have crossed the line??? Next event? Sucking a golfball through a garden hose!!! Thanks hookers.

Who knew that Hitler went to UD? That explains a lot. This video may be a little too long, but still funny!

Man Nike is gonna change the Beer Pong game!

So much time and so little videos.

2009-10-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

I always wondered what happened to Hammer’s posse! I need a gold mic though, Bail Out, Bail Out, Bail Out!

No lie we had this on vinyl! Tragically it was lost during the Welch Elementary Carnival in 1989 while being used for the Cake Walk! Damn you Cake why do you have to be so delicious?

Wow this is great! A collection of some of the greatest press conference quotes ever!

I realize this was a commercial, therefore not real, but it doesn’t make it any less awesome!

Super Herpes. Nuff Said. Note this was submitted to the Blogging staff by a person who shall remain anonymous unless they choose to come out of hiding.

How did SNL manage to make a sketch that involved Drew Barrymore funny? By showing as little of her as possible.

Who (dare I say it) Dey!

2009-10-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

So the wife told me a few days ago that I do not post pictures of Riley on the blog anymore. Here you go woman, even though this post has nothing to do with him. Oh and there really is no need for you to comment on how he is the cutest 7 month old ever, I already know!

It has been a while since I have muttered the magical words "who" and "dey". It’s not that I have given up on the Bengals, just that I have become so cynical about them over the past few years that I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and then go on a 5 game losing streak. But what if it doesn’t happen? What if they continue to win games and go to the playoffs? Do I really want to say that I missed a great year because I was waiting for a good team to fail? I have compared my love for this team to a sickness that I can’t make go away and hopefully this is a year in which that sickness goes into remission and is truly magical a la 2005. I’m still too cynical to say that it will forever be gone, but I want to enjoy the next few months as if I were a fan of any other team (beside the Raiders) in the NFL enjoys winning.
I guess my reason for bucking up one more time and believing is that I see something in this team that hasn’t been there before (even in 2005). They don’t give up and they all think that someone, could be anyone, is going to make a play and win the game. Many people have told me (but mainly Simon) that I am a fool for keeping my tickets and going down there, but I always say there is nothing better than going to a game when they are winning. It’s just fun. The Steelers game may have been the best 3 hours of my life (I say 3 hours because the first half doesn’t count it was horrible). It was great walking back to the car yelling at the Steelers fans who do the same thing to us after they win every other year.
So here is my charge, if you are a Bengals fan don’t hold back, don’t be ashamed to root for your team, and yell “WHO DEY, WHO DEY, WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM BENGALS!” whenever you want because we don’t know when this run will end. Hopefully not soon! And if you wanna get down on some Deep Fried Turkey buy a ticket to the next Ravens game on Nov. 8th (tickets are still available) and meet me at Longworth, I’ll be fryin’ it up with a Jew!

Friday. Sigh.

2009-10-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Bone-Crushing Dirt Bike Faceplant - Watch more Funny Videos
There’s a trip to the ER.

Rip Stick Failure Knockout - Watch more Funny Videos
Who needs skin on their shoulders or back anyway?

Scooter Noob Crashes Hard Into Tree - Watch more Funny Videos
Tree head on is not good.

Thanks Chip Caray for giving us the dreaded “Base Hit – Double Play” unlike your father you WON’T be missed!

It seems as though compilations are all the rage these days on tha intrawebs, so here you go, 50 faceplants in 3 minutes!

OK so I have to post the entire episode of the Office from last knight in order to show you my favorite part. The first 2 minutes!

Whoops Wrong Blog. My Bad.

2009-10-01T11:54:00.001-07:00

On this the 4th birthday of YouTube, I give you YouTube’s greatest hits!

Cannonball Guy Misses Safety Net - Watch more Funny Videos
Whoops, just a little short. My bad.

Rope Swing Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
Rope swings are death traps, this just further proves my point.

I would like to have sexual relations with that taco! No mushrooms please, DJ Hotlunch eats no fungus!

This is the result of a long knight of drinking! Gambino is a beast!

"Make me a Banana Cognac BI%$H!"

2009-09-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

I always thought it was Cognac, turns out I was wrong!

Sexy New My Humps Dance Routine - Watch more Funny Videos
That’s Haaawwwwtttt! Boom Boom, Bang Bang!

Wow. I mean WOOOOOOOOOO!

Oompa Loompa Army

Glad to see our money is going to good use.

Female Runner Faceplants Right Before Finish - Watch more Funny Videos
Well at least she got 3rd. Just another example of why women should not be allowed out of the kitchen!

Another Break Dancer Knocked Out - Watch more Funniest Videos
You’ll never guess which kid breaks himself. Oh yeah, well you were right. Breakdancing + Big Black t-shirt = pain!

BAM!

2009-09-18T09:27:00.001-07:00

Why are the players in this game priests?

Is he talking about Roxanne Qualls?

Roof Surfer Wipes Out Hard - Watch more Funny Videos
Just when you think this video can’t get any better, the surf board falls off the roof.

Kanye! Now you’re interrupting the President / Dictator? C’mon man!

EMBED-Inspector Gadget Theme on Beer Bottles - Watch more free videos
How come the only homeless people that I see always rock the original “why lie I just want beer” sign. If I see this guy, I’m emptying out my wallet!

Relationship Survival Guide: Pick Up Lines - Watch more Funny Videos
How are any of these guys single? Where is Robert Fagot?

Here you go Simon.

2009-09-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

The celebration is almost as good as the dunk. I love the white guy running around!

I’ve had some blowups during sporting events, but this dude is Crazzy! Questions. 1) Why do you have a pom-pom in your pocket to watch a game in your living room? 2) Only 1 N-bomb, really? Are we not in Alabama? 3) How did you spend your Saturdays 4 years ago when Bama was putrid? 4) Where did you buy your video camera Big Lots? and 5) Is that chicks mom really a slut?

Very Painful Tree Backflip Failure - Watch more Funny Videos
You Sir are no Ninja!

Pool Stunt Ends Painfully - Watch more Funny Videos
Morons. They’re like Herpes… You just can’t get rid of them.

Double Flip Ends With Massive Back Flop - Watch more Funny Videos
Dang. Listen to the sound of him smacking the water!

English Man Brutally Knocked Out In Bangkok Bar - Watch more Funny Videos
You don’t F*%k with the Taiwanese! I especially enjoy the end where the chick begins to drag his body out to the back door, where it will be submersed in bleach!

Finally, I give you this. No video. Just some guys lovely Microsoft Paint work. If you are a man and do not have an erection right now there is something wrong with you!

Celebrate Labor!?!

2009-09-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Even if he landed it he was still going into the woods at 35 MPH!

Bball Trick Shots Summer Camp Edition - Watch more Funny Videos
Apparently there is a basketball trick shot summer camp. Next year I’m going!

EMBED-Horse Kicks Moron in the Face - Watch more free videos
For real, where is Art Long when we need him? You gotta punch that horse in the mouth son!

Not sure if I’ve ever posted this video, but hey if I did it’s still great!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

ASo I guess the makers of the movie “Extract” found a way to get 30 year old dudes to go see it. I'm in!

Only 1 Slow Motion for Simon!

2009-08-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

Well I guess we now know why he is on Love Connection! Why doesn’t he just change his name to QueerBait or Homo or Kochgobbler or Ochocinco?

Wow, how she even got on the bull is a mystery to me.

Does anyone else find it ironic that this chick was beating the cameraman with a hoe?

Power Wheels Kid Crashes Down a Hill - Watch more Funny Videos
So the only thing this video was missing was the kid starting it with a “Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and welcome to Jackass!”

German Mascot Piggyback Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
Damn you Berlino!

A Week Ends.

2009-08-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is why I don’t go to the Greenhills Barber Shop anymore!

EMBED-Drunk Girl Versus Glass Table - Watch more free videos
OK so this video is stupid for 1:15, just fast forward to the end.

Darren, you guys doing this song next time you play worship? It’s good…

Kid Discovers Vanessa Hudgens Nude Pics - Watch more Funny Videos
Nothin like a 10 year old Asian porn addict. Nothin.

Perfect BMX 360 Off of Roof - Watch more Funny Videos
Anytime you are at a party, someone is on the roof and you have a video camera in your hand, it is a good time to hit record!

Astronaut Jones
by djgreenuts

I think J mentioned Astronaut Jones a few weeks back. It took me a while to find it, but here you go!

A Week Begins.

2009-08-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

Damnit soccer! Why do you make it so easy for me to ridicule you?

Let me just say something about Kings Island, thank God they are not in the business of organizing 5K’s or 10 K’s or any other K’s. We decided to run the 5 K Sunday morning with the Dunner (keep in mind I’ve run maybe 5 times since the marathon in 2007, and am up about 30 lbs since then). I didn’t have such a good day on the running trail, but we did have fun hanging out at the park. First off, the race started 40 minutes late due to the fact that KI was so disorganized and had HUNDREDS of people in line checking in at the same time the race was supposed to start. Then the trail was 90% parking lot and maintenance roads and 10% in the actual park. Then they had no plan for re-entrance into the park if people want to go home and shower and come back (they stamped our hands BEFORE THE RACE, which we all sweated off during the race.) To say that the Dunner and I ran the park with our running bibs when we returned at 10 is an understatement. First we parked for free, then we just walked straight through the gates, and finally walked right up to the gold pass entrance and got waved through by the security guards just by showing them the bib. We waited longer ON Diamondback then we waited for Diamondback. It took 15 minutes to get on the ride, then we got stuck outside the terminal for 25 minutes when someone had a seizure getting off the ride (yes they told us he had a seizure which pretty much breaks every HIPPA law possible). Then we rode Fire Hawk (the flying ride), then Flight of Fear and the Racer all between 10 and 11:30! It’s pretty certain that if we would have wanted to eat lunch for free or punch SpongeBob in the face or bring back the Dolphins doing Tricks we would have been allowed to AS LONG AS WE HAD OUR RUNNING BIBS! It was like someone said “welp we got no plan so might as well let the runners do whatever the hell they want!” It was great.

Then last knight I watched some golf. I know that I may catch some flack from the sports world for this, but I kind of enjoyed Y.E. Yang’s victory over Tiger yesterday. I did the old “TiVo” it now and watch it when I get home from the in-law’s house again, only this time I knew the outcome before I watched the entire round. Here are the reasons why I was silently rooting for Y.E. (while yelling for Tiger to make a putt (which he cannot)).
1) My dude Y.E. waved to the cameras NO LESS than 317 times during the back nine! No one in golf does that. He embraced the situation for what it was, he was in a no lose situation and he knew it! If he shoots for the stick on every hole and wins he is a national (and global, face it only Amurrikans want Tiger to win) hero. If he bogies out after 12 holes and shoots a 7 over, then he is in the same boat as hundreds of men before him who could not handle the pressure of Tiger’s presence on the final day of a major.
2) I still like Tiger, but his entire schtick is just growing old on me. We know we know if you miss a putt it is because the green didn’t break the way it was supposed to, not because YOU CAN’T PUTT LATELY!!! It just seems that he really believes that he is entitled to win all majors.
3) If you play golf like a pimp for 2 days and like a (kids cover your ears) VAGINA for 2 days you do not deserve to win. I am so tired of seeing him play the safe shot! If you shoot even par and the rest of the field is -3 or -4 guess what? THEY'RE GAINING ON YOU! STEP UP!!!
4) Never again do we have to hear how “Tiger has never lost a tournament when leading after 54 holes.” This alone should have been enough reason for you to be rooting for Y.E. Of course now when Tiger is leading after Saturday it will be “Remember in 2009 when Y.E. Yang played superbly on Sunday to defeat Tiger Woods by 3 strokes, when Tiger was leading after 54 holes. Prior to that no one had ever beaten Tiger when he was leading that late into a Major.” Thanks Jim Nance, now go sit in the Butler Cabin with Hootie until we are ready to hear from you again at Augusta!
5) I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not, but YOU CAN’T PUTT!!! I putt better in my boss’s office with a collapsible putter than you do. Why is everyone else making putts and you are missing them? You suck Tiger! By the way I’ll be rooting for you again in 2 weeks at The Barclays.

Butt Hay!

2009-08-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

Table Pool Slip And Slide - Watch more Funny Videos
I love Slip ‘N Slide videos, much like Piñata (that’s right I found the Mexican Umlaut button on my keyboard) they NEVER end good.

Kid Demonstrates How To Parallel Park - Watch more Funny Videos
OK so this video is a little choppy, but this little dude is pretty badass on his Power Wheels. Did he go to UC? He must have with parallel parking skillz like that!

Homemade Zip Line Nut Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
OK so the ending to this zipline is just slightly better than the end to the zipline at Saranac, which pulls your scrotum through your harness.

This is why laser pointers are awesome!

I think I have played this game before!

Tracy Morgan Blackass - Watch more Funny Videos
Simon this is for you. If they ever really did make Tracy Morgan Blackass, I would watch.

Darkness!!!

2009-08-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Wow I can't tell where the glove ends and his face begins! (That was not racist, just an observation) Hey look he's using Grant Gloves, well Dunner you know those are punchers gloves!!! (I'll be here all week).

Well the past week or so has been an interesting week in terms of health for the Callahan house and whodda thunk none of it involved the boy. It all started last Wednesday when I was helping move an elliptical machine at work and jacked up my back for the 100th time. Now this is the part where you say, “well that’s nothing new.” Correct this has become a bi-annual (that means it goes both ways) event in my life for the past 8 years or so. So of course I go home and pop a few vicatin and muscle relaxers at lunch. Then that Knight I met the Dunner and Simon for a Reds game where I had a few adult pops at Gameday beforehand. The next day I have a Dr’s. appointment where they have to do blood work (why is it when you turn 25 years old every Dr’s visit requires blood work?). I go aboot my day, and Friday morning I get a call from the Dr’s office, here’s the conversation.
Nurse: Mr. Callahan we need to talk aboot (she’s Canadian too) your blood work.
Me: OK?
Nurse: It looks like your hep levels are very high. Normal is betwaan 10 and 40, your level in 140! We need to do some more blood work (of course they do!!!) to test for Hepatitis.
Me: What Hepatitis? I’m gonna die!
Nurse: Don’t worry until we get the results back.
Me: Do you know me, have we ever met?
Nurse: Well if you come in today we can get the results Monday.
Me: I’ll be in in 15 minutes!
I immediately hang up and go on WebMd to see how long I have to live. Turns out (in my mind) not only do I DEFINITELY have The Hep, but it leads to cirrhosis and I will need a liver transplant by Christmas. I immediately added myself to the Cincinnati liver donor’s recipient list. I then start to regret that drunken weekend spent with Pam Anderson and wonder if it involved a Golden Shower or not. To say that I had a long weekend is an understatement. I had knots in my stomach the entire weekend, which by the way was topped off with a trip to the ER Saturday knight . Lindsey was having some stomach pains and she thought she needed to go to either Urgent Care or the ER. I then threw in my 2 cents, and said a line not recommended if you have a wife in excruciating pain. “You do realize that a trip to the ER costs $75 right?” Needless to say it was an eventful ride to B-North. We met her mom at the ER and dropped the kid off with her and spent the next 4 hours getting her drugged up and pain free. We found out that she has a kidney stone ready to come out, and more in her kidneys. She’ll get them blasted out of there next week, but until then there is always the possibility that the pain could return.
Monday I call the Doctor to get the results of the blood work, here is that conversation.
Nurse: I’m sorry sir those tests take a few days for results.
Me: Lady I’m dying here! I may have only minutes to live and I have to wait more?
Nurse: If you don’t hear from us by Wednesday call back.
Me: OK I will call Paul R. Young’s to set up my funeral.
She called back Wednesday and told me that the Hep levels were now normal and were probably high because of the Vicatin, and most likely enormously high because of the combined Alcohol from the knight before. Kids this is where I tell you, if the bottle says do not mix with alcohol, do not mix with alcohol!!! 2 PBR’s will lead to the worst weekend of your life! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to call Paul R. Young’s and cancel my funeral arrangements.

Call me Betty...

2009-08-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

World's Most Disgusting Drink - Watch more Funny Videos
What would you do for 100 bucks? No way I’m chugging some d-bags dip spit!

Little Girl Owned by Soccer Ball - Watch more Funny Videos
I’m guessing this video was shot during one of the Orange Alpacas first practices.

Tomato Launcher Prank - Watch more Funny Videos
Why this never happened at the farm I have no idea…

I think I need to give Harris a call…

I can’t remember if I posted this one during my “Ode to Tracy Morgan week”, but even if I did who cares it’s hilarious!

Brought my A Game!

2009-07-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hippie Weirdo Yoga Farmer - Watch more Funny Videos
What the hell is this??? If you watch the whole video, it just gets creepier and creepier. Wait is that a Rasta-Cock? Never mind, best video ever!

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos
Wow. Who thinks of this stuff???

Box Stunt Leads to Broken Wrist - Watch more Funny Videos
So Simon is this what you meant when you said not to put your hand down when you are falling?

You’re doing it wrong.

This kid has some moves. Riley now has something to live up too…

We saw the first Jackass, but this is Number 2.

Not a Great Week, (they can't all be last week!)

2009-07-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Darth Hammer.

Gun Recoil Knockout - Watch more Funny Videos
This guy might be the biggest moron I’ve ever seen…

Self Inflicted Face Plant - Watch more Funny Videos
Huh? Don’t put your hands down you girl!

I would say that one of these kids is my boy, but none of them are COVERED IN DROOL!!!

You got knocked the fuuhhh out!!! STOP CRYING!!!

My Bad

2009-07-20T09:15:00.001-07:00

Soo, would it be better if the little kids were sliding INTO the crotch???

I think part of the problem with my sports addiction is how I get hooked and drawn in by a story. I become fascinated with all aspects of the story and cheer vigorously for the team/person that I’m watching. Of course the problem for that particular team/person is that they then lose. It has happened again, and Tom Watson… You’re Welcome! And “My Bad.” I loosely followed the British Open Thursday and Friday and thought that a 59 year old man leading a Major after 2 days was interesting. Saturday we had no plans until we left for Columbus around 2 and I figured I’d watch until Watson showed his age and let the tournament slip away (I figured this would happen by lunchtime). But guess what, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! When we had to leave I was pissed. So I decided to once again attempt the feat of DVR’ing a sports event and watch it after it happened without finding out the outcome. As we pulled in the driveway Sunday afternoon at 5 I had accomplished this feat and had no idea who won. I then watched the entire day and fast forwarded to Watson’s shots, and dude (with the exception of 3 or 4 shots) was awesome! Again HE IS 59 YEARS OLD!!! He shouldn’t be competing with 30 year olds, he has won PGA SENIOR Tour events!!! Around hole 14 I was certain that Lee Westwood was going to win, but I continued to watch and guess what? Everyone but Tom Watson began to slowly choke away their chance to win… As Watson waited on the 18th tee Stew Cink sank (haha Cink sank) a 25 footer to get to -2 and I thought, oh crap! Watson hit the drive of his life on 18 and walked down the fairway, I had tears in my eyes (I know, I’m a girl get over it!). All he had to do was safely hit his second shot to the front of the green and 2-putt for the win! But guess what, (Tommy I Love you But…) Watson choked. Dude juiced an 8-Iron 190 yards! Are you kidding me? An 8 Iron! For the 3rd time HE IS 59 YEARS OLD!!! In my prime I couldn’t hit an 8 Iron 190. Pretty much the inevitable happened from there. An hour later Stew Cink is holding the Jug and I am PISSED! I thought about playing Tiger10, but couldn’t bring myself to think about golf for the next few hours.

I don’t know exactly why I get soo hooked by a great story, but it always happens. I have never rooted for Tom Watson to win before, but if you saw me yesterday, you would have thought I was the chairman of his fanclub! I’m doing better today, but I’m still a little bummed about it. This is also another problem I have, we'll call it, "day after sporting event letdown." I’m not post-Cotto vs. Margarito bummed (that may be the worst I ever was, mostly because I was afraid he died) but this is close. So here Tom Watson I apologize for my fandome of you this past weekend. Had I simply ignored the tournament (like I could have easily done) you most likely would have accomplished the impossible… My Bad.

Back to Fridays.

2009-07-17T10:28:00.001-07:00

Asian People Doing Christopher Walken Impressions - Watch more Funny Videos
I love Asians, I love Chris Walken, why not combine the two?

Kid Gets Big Air Failing Stunt - Watch more Funny Videos
He miiiight be dead.

Chubby Kid Teaches Skateboard Ollies - Watch more Funny Videos
This is why I don’t skateboard, the crying not the falling…

Watch the slomo replay, what is worse falling in the manhole or having the lid fall directly on your arm??? Haha manhole. P.S. Manhole was also my nickname in college.

I think we opened up for this guy one time at Salamone’s! (RIP Salamone’s).

You is one good malt liqua picka! And with that I might be done with snl clips.

Short Week Again...

2009-07-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

If you need me... I'll be...

On a boat!!! All weekend!

Aww Damn. Wait for it… DUDE GOT HAMRICK’D!

Fishing With Dynamite - Watch more Funny Videos
Why did I spend $120 at Bass Pro, when I could have gotten some boom boom, bang bang, and caught more fish. That’s hoootttt!

Powerful 110 Roman Candle Cannon - Watch more Funny Videos
Things we’re gonna need for the 4th next year, 125 Roman Candles, Roll of Duct Tape and a skin graft kit! On a side note, Man Cannon was my nickname in college! P.S. Thanks to Sam Hunter for editing that. Why do d-bags see the need to put their names on the videos???

Girl Can't Jump Dry Creek - Watch more Funny Videos
Powerbomb! Courtesy of Captain Insano!

Dude Fails At Dunking - Watch more Funny Videos
Dang. Short but effective.

Not the classic, but still great!

Videos. Technically a day early.

2009-07-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

This is why Phil makes millions and you shot a 113 at Winton Woods… Too bad he 4-putted from there.

Male Gymnastic Routine Fails - Watch more Funny Videos
I swear we’ve seen this as part of a ladder match at Wrestle Mania. This is why there should be no such thing as “male gymnastics”.

Balls Of Steel - Watch more Funny Videos
We all love a good nutshot compilation. I’ve posted some of these videos, but had no idea that they were the same dude. Spoiler alert, the impossible happens at the end…

I love live television.

The Little Chef Drummer Boy - Watch more Funny Videos
This was kind of what it was like at the Callahan dinner table when Brian and I were little girls… Only we were white guys with NO rhythm!

This goes back a while.

We got Sports!

2009-06-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

Sup fool!

So every once in a while I like to ramble about sports, now would be that time... First OOO ESSS AHHH soccer, what more do I need to say? Am I the only one in the world who knew that Brazil was going to win at halftime? I am not the most serious soccer watcher, just mostly for qualifiers and other big games, but I feel like I have seen this so many times. Also I have accepted the fact that Brazil's players are better, but are they that much more in shape too? It looked like the Brazillians could have gone another 45 minutes, and our guys were getting ready to die at any minute. I mean it takes alot of work to give up 4 goals (and it WAS 4 goals) in a half. And how does Tim Howard win the Golden Glove (Golden Power Glove )? Dude gave up 9 goals in 5 games! That is not exactly getting it done. Sure he made some decent saves, but he also tried to keep a ball from going into the goal by backing up 4 feet into the goal (once again that WAS a goal).

Next the Cincinnati Reds are 2.5 games out. That's it. Somehow they FINALLY play in the worst league in baseball. The fact that it is late June and they do have a chance makes me happy. As much as we ripped them in June they could add a guy and put them over the top (even though I think the Cards just added out piece). So many people are saying how they are just waiting for the "real Reds" to show up and drop 10 in a row, but I think this IS the real Reds, they're a .500 club. What scares me is what happens when the Cubs or Cards rip off 25 of 30? I'm more worried of the other teams pulling away than I am of the Reds getting 15 games under .500.

And finally my Bearcats. What can I say? The city of Cincinnati is a better place when the Bearcats are winning basketball games and going to tournaments. This might be me drinking the kool-aid, but I think if they add Lance Stephenson...

Then they have a much better chance to win some games this year. I don't care if the guy has some dirt (pending legal issue and he may have accepted cash from Under Armour), he went to Lincoln High School with Jesus Shuttlesworth! Mick needs to roll the dice on him. If he doesn't land him and UC doesn't make the tournament I think Mick is done. But here is MY UC Basketball starting lineup, because it's never too early for November speculation. ***Note*** I have changed UC over to a 3 Guard set...
PG - Cashmere Wright
G - Deonta Vaughn
G - Lance Stephenson
F - Ibrihima Thomas (Dude is a 6' 11" SLASHER!!! He does not play Center, he handles the ball very well, in this lineup he would be an impact player)
F - Yancey Gates
That lineup makes the tournament, and is a top 25 team all year hands down. If Stephenson signs I will be a happy boy, and we will finally get to see how good of a coach Mick is. Oh yeah and don't forget about Biggie McClain... oh wait... yeah nevermind you can forget about Biggie.

Boom...

2009-06-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

The Camping Ramp Jump of Death - Watch more Funny Videos
Step 1 of hitting a ramp, don’t hit the ramp…with your face.

Cancelled WoW Account Meltdown - Watch more Funny Videos
So this is what happens when you cancel a nerd’s World of Warcraft account? My only question… why does he have those fancy boxers on if no girl is ever going to see them? Wait, did he just try to put a remote in his butt?

Dunk Almost Takes Kids Head Off - Watch more Funny Videos
How he’s not dead I have no idea.

Jake The Snake. Oh how the mighty have fallen… At least he’s still got Damian, it’s the same snake right?

Awesome. Instead of charging them, they need to make him eat the rest of the brownies.

Maybe my favorite sketch, I dunno.

Father's Day...

2009-06-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

I don't know what this picture has to do with Father's Day, but I love it!

So yesterday was a day that I have been looking forward to for a few months since the boy arrived. My first Father’s Day was overall successful. My day started with what has come to be my favorite part of any weekend. When Riley wakes up, Lindsey goes and gets him out of his crib and we play with him in bed for 20 minutes or so. It only took my wife 4 years to figure out that I like to lie in bed for a half hour or so when I wake up, it took my son less than 3 months! He likes to play in the morning so it’s fun to make him kick his legs and tickle him and make him laugh. So far being a dad has been much cooler than I could have ever expected, I often find myself thinking about seeing him when I get home from work and how great that will be.

So that said, my son got me a gift card to Bass Pro Shops for Father’s Day. That is what I asked for, so I know that he is a good listener. My reasoning for the gift card to the Redneck Store was pretty simple… Every year I declare that this is the year that I start fishing again (I haven’t fished since I was 15). Problem is, I don’t have a fishing pole anymore. So I figured that if I am going to start fishing more then I need to buy a pole and some gear. So in the near future (before we go to Norris Lake in July) I will be making a trip to Bass Pro to stock up on all of the necessities.

Another thing that I need to get before Norris lake is THE BULLET !!! There is no way in hell I’m getting in that inflatable coffin again, but I’m sure I can coax my brother’s in law (sp?) to jump in that thing by calling them girls! Needless to say I am bringing the Vicodin and muscle relaxers this year just in case, in fact after Brian’s wipe out I think I will make those medications a staple for all future boat trips. Which brings me to my next question… Nick when is the next boat trip? Are you gonna make us call your pops and ask him? Hook us up! I’ve been doing 2-3 crunches a week for the past week and a half to strengthen my back, I’m good!
Also Saturday knight before The Dunner, J, and I got a contact high at 311 we hit up FatBurger. Considering that it is ½ mile from my work and has been open for 10 months it is a shame that it took me this long to make my maiden voyage. It was worth the wait though. And considering that I have now visited two of the more decorated burger chains in the last 2 weeks here is a quick review…

Five Guys (DC/Ballstimore Area) Great Burger! It almost seemed as though the cheese was impregnated (that’s right I said it) into the meat and then cooked, that part was great! The lettuce tomato, jalaps and other toppings were ok, but they were almost lost by the burger itself.

FatBurger (Nati) Also Great Burger! It was well put together and on this occasion the toppings and bun stole the show! Not to say that the meat wasn’t good, but the toppings were great! I love shredded lettuce and all the other stuff on the burger!

My consensus… Go to both places, take a Five Guys (cheese impregnated) burger and throw it on a FatBurger bun and toppings, you just may have the greatest cheeseburger EVER!!!

Welcome Back to Me!

2009-06-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

Just found me a new lawyer!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Because we all love kids singing Journey… If only these kids realized that they were singing a classic.

Pool Jump Failure - Watch more Funny Videos
Dude might need some dentures!

Backflip to Teeter Totter Nutshot - Watch more Funny Videos
Wow what a moron, does he not know that the top of a ladder is NOT A STEP!!! IDIOT!

So since I had to post Laser Cats last week, I decided to just go back to SNL clips, and since this was the sketch most repeated last weekend… I give you Cork Soakers! Props to Heratio Sans for holding it together for an ENTIRE sketch. This video reminds me... Hey remember when Janet Jackson was hot???

It's FRIDAY!!! (Well for me it is) Have fun at work SUCKERS!

2009-06-10T10:06:00.001-07:00

Painful Slap Prank In Classroom - Watch more Funny Videos
I have a few questions. 1) A SLAP really??? And 2) Why did you take your shirt off to slap a guy?

Funny Hammer Pants Flash Mob - Watch more Funny Videos
I’ve just learned of the craze that is the “Flash Mob” and I must confess… I LOVE IT!!! Here is my notice, if you are organizing a flash mob, I want in! (FYI, I can’t dance).

Unreal Alley-Oop - Watch more Action Sports Videos
This is your boy “Chocolate Milk” from And1 Mix Tape Vol. 634… OOOOOHHHHHHH BABAY!!!

EMBED-Painful BMX Faceplant - Watch more free videos
Well at least he had his helmet on!

Why do Asians always feel the need to be better than everyone else, AT EVERYTHING! And why do Japanese TV show hosts always dress crazy?

Laser Cats! (sorry I’m out of Digital Shorts)

Enjoy 'em this week, I'm off next week!

2009-06-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

OK before I get to the videos let me show you this picture of Lance Armstrong's new son! I normally do not say that babies are ugly, but yikes! That kid is hideous, It looks like its about to eat me!

Now, the videos.

Bruno Movie Trailer

If you only see one movie this summer (ignore Simon’s list) let it be…BRUNO!!!!

Triumph at Star Wars ep2 Premier

Maybe the best Triumph ever. If you have 10 minutes then you need to watch!

Man I wish their Beer didn’t taste like piss! I would definitely buy it because of this commercial!

Soccer Slide Tackle Breaks Player's Leg - Watch more Funny Videos
Snizzapp!

Coach Knocked Out by Line Drive - Watch more Funny Videos
This video brings up a few points. 1) Coach pitch is AWESOME! 2) Grown (overweight) men (DickPole and Charlie Manuel) should not wear baseball uniforms. And 3) MIDDLE’S OPEN!!!

Thanks Hulu!

Monday.

2009-06-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

Little Kid Owned by Flying RC Car - Watch more Funny Videos
That's either an RC Car or a GIANT BABY!

Darren Glass. Respond to this!!!

Wow. Even Nitro Circus couldn't do that!

EMBED-Painful Airbag-Powered Nutshot - Watch more free videos
Owww.

No music, but still great.

M..V..P???

2009-05-27T10:13:00.001-07:00

OK so here is my deal with what went down in Orlando last knight. LeBron, is very much the best player in the NBA when he is on his game, but intertwined within his brilliance he has a tendancy to make some dumb plays, i.e. 12 turnovers in a row during overtime. Did you see him dribble accross the timeline and try to complete a 45 foot pass only to be picked off by "Skip To My Lou?" For real the Cavs scored the first bucket of OT then it seemed like not again until there were 45 seconds left. I'm just calling him out for making some bonehead plays, because it seems like no one else has the balls to say when he loses a game. Granted the Cavs aren't in OT without his play, BUT they also don't have to go to OT without his 8 turnovers! And Dwight Howard? There is just something about the guy that I don't like? I have no idea what it is, but I just don't think he's a superstar. I think if you put him on any number of teams he just blends in. Somehow I still think that the Majik (sorry I still love Dan Majkowski) will find a way to lose the series though. I don't know if it is my undying love for LeBron or my hatred for moste everyone in Orlando, but I think the Cavs will make a comeback.

Also in a completely related story, Cincinnati radio is at an alltime low as far as this guy is concerned. First 1530 Homer fires all of their sports talk guys and goes with horrible syndicated guys, then they shut down 94.9 errr 97.3 The Sound! I had the wife contact The Dunnerette (my media information source) to see if I was true, only to be crushed as it definitely was gone for good! So as I am driving to get my work vehicle "serviced" today and I was listening to the radio, I realize THERE ARE NO MORE DECENT RADIO STATIONS! I liked The Sound, they played good music with not a ton of commercials or DJ's trying to sell you crap or get you to enter a contest. I thought they had a good gameplan and would be around for a while. One time Wild Man Walker and I were talking (no really we were) and he told me that they wouldn't be around that long. Me and The Dunner looked at eachother as if to say "dude is smoking crack" and guess what he was right! The only station left that is (sometimes) bearable is 96Rock and even they get annoying. I guess I am going to have to buy my first CD in 7 years and listen to that in the car.

Long live Wildman Walker, you fat nostrodamous-like bastard!

2 Weeks in a row is a streak!

2009-05-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of reasons to watch the NBA Playoffs, the Most Valuable Puppets might be the greatest reason (besides The Birdman (if you don’t know who the Birdman is you NEED TO WATCH THE LA - DENVER SERIES!!!)).

Wall Faceplant After Diving Catch - Watch more Funny Videos
Well atleast the wall was padded. Here is a tip for all you Japanese guys out there... If dude headbuts a wall in full sprint, DON'T TOUCH HIM!!!

Bikini Babe Fails At Backflip - Watch more Funny Videos
I guess she was in training to... "Ride the snake..." Justin is laughing right now. Just him.

Powerful Potato Gun To The Face - Watch more Funny Videos
Contrary to popular belief, this is not the best way to unload a potato(e) gun.

I have an erection. Now the the 4th is coming up is it safe to say that we are getting our explosives from these chicks this year??? Dibs on Boom, Boom!

Someone mentioned the celebrity jeopardy this week, maybe the best ever???

Back By Popoular Deman... Well, Just Back!

2009-05-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

Gynecologist Dr. Bummer's $69 Bid - Watch more Funny Videos
They said the show would go down hill after Bob left... I guess they were right. Drew Carey proves once again, 69 jokes. STILL FUNNY!

Pitcher Stops Line Drive With Her Face - Watch more Funny Videos
Ladie and Gentlemen I give you, the ONLY double play in fastpitch softball history!

Even ESPN thinks it's funny!

Tony Danza! Still a prick 15 years later! No wonder Angela wouldn't give you any!

With Justin Timberlake hosting last week you knew they were going to try to top Dick in a Box. Well they didn't, but it was still pretty funny.

All together now... Maualuga.

2009-04-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you how fired up I am about Rey Maualuga! Dude is a freak. I may have just found my next Bengals jersey!

Wow. I'm in.

Pwned!

Kids Band Playing Journey @ Yahoo! Video

These Kids < Number2. But still shreadding for 9 year olds. This kid sounds better than Asian Steve Perry.

So Family Guy writers are always high... Ohhhhhh now I get it.

OK so I thought about posting this video a while ago, but thought it might be over the line. After discussing it with guys a week or so ago, I realized... I was wrong!

Saturday! Dug Some Holes, Took Some Vicodin, NOW VIDEOS!!!

2009-04-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Big Chick Belly Flops Off Slip-N-Slide - Watch more Funny Videos
Damn.

Goofy-Looking Kid Performs Amazing Backflip - Watch more Funny Videos
This is how you perform a backflip... IN JORTS!!!

Kid Doesn't Think His Friend Will Jump - Watch more Funny Videos
No way. That did not just happen. Dude's next video was of him coughing up a testicle!

Kid Whacked In Face With Ball - Watch more Funny Videos
I don't know what the goal was, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't accomplished.

Like a Boss!

Say it with me now... Bemidji.

2009-04-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

One in a Million Basketball Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
This shot > Northwest full court shot (that was after the buzzer).

First Time Dirtbiker Faceplants Into Fence - Watch more Funny Videos
Now that's a well built deck! Mikey did we build that one too???

Sooooooooooo... would you???

Why did I not do this at my wedding?

Dang.

Monday Videos.

2009-04-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

So I've broken yet another promise. I'll never do it again, wink!

Amazing Off-the-Wall Bball Swish - Watch more Funny Videos
I can do that.

Kimmel Beats LeBron’s Half Court Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
Jinmmy > LeBron!

Damn! He got Hamricked!

Worst First Pitch In Baseball History - Watch more Funny Videos
Here’s hoping that Mark Mallory is nowhere near GABP today! Don’t screw it up Dick LeGay.

Nick showed me this last knight. Classic! Animal loves Coke!

I Hate Life.

2009-04-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

$5

Footlong!

I’m jealous! I hate the fact that on this day I would (gulp!) rather be a UK fan than a UC fan! This feeling sucks. You know, the feeling that we will NEVER have the feeling that UK fans have right now. Any UK fan in their right mind would give their left ball for basketball season to start tomorrow. I on the other hand will need the next 7 months to cleanse myself of another horrible final 6 “basketball” games of UC’s season. I just wish that sometime in my lifetime UC would do something remotely as big (and positive) as what UK did yesterday. I know it won’t happen, but a boy can wish right?

When I was aboot 7 years old I went through a 3 week phase where I tried (my damndest) to be a UK fan. My best friend Derek Schreiber was a huge UK fan and I kind of wanted to be like him and have a similar interest. I had 1 UK outfit, which I wore every other day. Sweat-shorts and a strange looking UK t-shirt (complete with wildcat tongue-penis). After those 3 weeks I just realized that there were certain people who were put on this planet to be UK fans (rednecks) and I simply wasn’t one of them. Right now as I write this, I wish I hadn’t given up. I’d currently be sitting on 2 National Championships (since my entry into fanhood) which is 1 more (Reds have 1) than all of my other teams COMBINED! And UK WILL win 2 in the next 5 years. Look here’s the deal, I LOVE John Calipari, I have since he was at UMASS. Dude is just a solid coach, and flat out the best recruiter in the nation. But here’s my fear, John Calipari + UK = not fair for the rest of the NCAA. UK even with a bad coach (Billy Gillispie) recruits itself just by tradition and recognition. John Calipari has recruited multiple 5 start recruits IN THE SAME YEAR for the past 5 years at Memphis. Memphis, yes Memphis, remember when they were Memphis State? Not a school with basketball tradition and he turned them into a powerhouse in 5 years AND THEY PLAY IN CONFERENCE USA! Kids want to play on the big stage and a Thursday knight game at Tulane, TCU or Houston is not exactly a big stage, and he still got them to come to MEMPHIS! Can you imagine what he will do at one of the most storied schools in one of the best conferences in the nation? I’m thinking that his walk-ons will be 5-star recruits! I heard that KG and Kobe just committed to UK for next year (they have eligibility left). Fact is the competitive scales just tipped big time, and it’s just a matter of time before those obnoxious rednekked (I stopped at 2 K’s to avoid offending some people) UK fans return to WalMart to buy their officially unlicensed UK t-shirts, wife beaters , and trucker caps with fake pony tails sewn in to the back.

Is Cal State Northridge Still Alive?

2009-03-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

For real where was this shirt a year ago when my wife was beginning her second career as a cart girl? I often look at lookatmeshirts.com or other funny t-shirt websites, but I am always too much of a girl to buy a shirt that I think if hilarious.

Sooooo, what did you do this weekend? Did you watch basketball? Not this guy. I had all of the excuses in the world to watch the tournament (and by THE tournament I am of course referring to the CBI), but I just simply could not make myself do it. I have a baby that does not allow us to leave the house and I instead chose many times to watch/do something else. I just can’t get into it, I don’t know if I’m just so bummed out that UC is no longer in the equation that I cannot watch basketball or what. Every time I would sit down and turn the TV on I would flip it to CBS watch about 3 minutes and switch the channel, or turn on the PS3 and continue the career of Brad Callahan, the third base prodigy for the Houston ASStros. Currently I’m a 20 year old playing for the AAA Round Rock Express, hitting .337 with 3 big flys and 9 R’sBI (I recently got called up). MLB ’09 The Show (I know I said this last year) is the best baseball game I’ve ever played. You can play an entire game in about 5 minutes real time and if you’re playing “Road To The Show” like I am, it allows you to play an entire season in a few weeks. That was always my biggest gripe with baseball games before, it takes an hour to play a game and by the time you finish your season Madden comes out the next week. This just fast forwards to your players at bats and defensive action, AND this year you can adjust the number of pitches you have to watch when another guy is batting (I always hated being on base for 3 batters (7 pitches a piece) after I singled, only to have Edwin Encarnacion pop one up the elevator shaft). Now it’s like 2 pitches per batter before they pop out or get a hit. Awesome.

Also in my attempt to avoid basketball yesterday I stumbled upon “Band of Brothers.” It was the episode when they discover the concentration camps. That show ALWAYS hooks me. No matter how many times I’ve seen the episode I always have to finish it, if I have to go somewhere I’ll DVR it. I’m not a history guy like my brother, but they just did such a great job with that whole miniseries. The only other show that I can jump in on and watch every time is Sopranos. I didn’t think it would be as good on A & E, but they do a good job of editing without taking too much from the show.

Better Late Than Sometimes. Wait, Huh?

2009-03-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

Suckit UK Fans! I forget sometimes how brilliant Chris Farley was... RIP my homie (I'm pouring out some Coors Light on my carpet right now).

I hate "One Shining Moment!" That said, "Winning It All" Is so much awesomer, I have tears in my eyes right now remembering this series as one of the greatest week and a half periods of my life! How many awesome people are in this video? MJ & Scottie (of course) The Worm, Miami's Favorite son Ron Harper, Luc Longley, Shawn Kemp (how many kids does he have by now?), The Glove, Detlev frickin Schrempf, some random white guy on the Sonics' bench (#14), Sam Perkins (not to be confused with Patrick Chewing) who was the deadliest shooting Center EVER!!!, and of course Tony Kukoc (nuff said).

Techno Toddler - Watch more Funny Videos
This kid is JAMMIN! I would have thought he was German, listening to techno and all, but whatever.

Referee Has Wheels - Watch more Funny Videos
Look I know there are alot of soccer guys who read this blog, but this video is a great reason why people think soccer players are vaginas! Count the ferry kicks that this ref takes. QUIT BEING A GIRL AND PUNCH HIM!!!

I know this is not a digital short, but this was Tracy Morgan's best effort last Saturday Knight!

Hello Drowziness My Old Friend...

2009-03-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

My wife does a lot (a ton) for me, and for that I am eternally grateful. But one of the things that will make me be indebted to her for the rest of my life is her bringing Oatmeal Crème Pies back into my life. I forgot about OCP’s years ago when I was 12, but she recently started buying them again. The issue I have with OCP’s is today when I opened up the box and packed my lunch I noticed a label on the box that read, “America’s #1 Oatmeal Crème Pie.” My first question is… Isn’t it America’s ONLY Oatmeal Crème Pie? They have kind of trademarked the name right? It would be more accurate to say America’s #1 Oatmeal Treat, or just “Little Debbie is a dirty whore who makes delicious oatmeal snacks.” Wouldn’t this kind of be like Honda marketing the Civic as “America’s #1 Honda Civic” or someone saying Guy Fieri is a deutsch? These things are given! You can’t market something as #1 if there is no #2.

Today if you haven’t noticed is St. Patrick’s Day! I am currently wearing a green shirt, and underwear with a green stripe in them (last time I wore them was last St. Patrick’s Day, hence the green stripe). My thought though is that St. Patrick’s Day is much better when it is on a Friday or Saturday. Remember Mason Pub, back-to-back years? Remember what made those knights great (besides Doc Brown and the Jiggawatts)? St. Patrick’s Day those years were on weekend days. I think now that we finally have an Irish President he should change St. Patrick’s Day to the second Saturday in March. This will prevent all the d-bags that call in sick to work on March 17th from being fired on March 18th.

Finally… My son. Look at that picture. How can you not love that kid? I’ll tell you how. When it is 5:00 in the morning and he is screaming at the top of his tiny lungs and you’ve gotten approximately 13 minutes of sleep all knight and you have to get up for work in an hour! Look don’t drop the “that’s how babies are” or “it’ll get better” or “the first month is the worst” I know, I know. I just want to vent here. We thought we had his knights and days figured out last week, but the last 4 knights have been awful. The only funny thing is after his late knight feeding I’m holding him trying to get him to sleep and he’s just looking at me with those big eyes saying, “ha, you schmuck, it’s midknight and I’m not even entertaining the idea of falling asleep.” If he had control of his middle finger I’m sure he would be flipping me off.

P.S. He's not cross-eyed, he just looks like he is in that picture!

Out of Town Friday so Here you Go Thursday!

2009-03-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Kid Shoots Can Off Buddies Head - Watch more Funny Videos
I'm also this accurate, only I have to replace the can with my brothers crotch! I hit it every time.

Terrible Backflip Off Vending Machine - Watch more Funny Videos
I love people messing up backflips... Go to sleep hoe!

Trucks Vs Bridge - Watch more Funny Videos
Are you like me? Have you always wondered what happens when an overpass has a marked height of 13'-10" and a truck is say... 14'-0"??? Now you know.

80 Yard Goal Ties State Soccer Championship - Watch more Funny Videos
That keeper totally got Hamricked!

Andy's Dad looks just like the President of the First National Change Bank.

And just a reminder to set your DVR for the best SNL EVER!

I'm Back, and I'm Ringin' a Bell!

2009-03-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

BMX Kid Faceplants Hard on Board - Watch more Funny Videos
Well Done Euro-dude.

Watermelon Cracked by Shuttlecock - Watch more Funny Videos
When me and Steve Oliver won the Northwest HS NATIONAL badminton championship we used to pound shuttlecock this hard. That's right I said it, now say it with me "SHUTTLECOCK"!

Painful Leap of Faith Over River - Watch more Funny Videos
Bigfoot is NOT ok.

The All-Purpose Pair of Nunchucks - Watch more Funny Videos
Where can I find a driver attachment for my nunchucks?
And how bout 2 videos with badminton in them??? New all time high!

Female Diver Slams Face On Diving Board - Watch more Epic Fails
There are too many stereotypes being proved correct in this video to list.

Somebody mentioned Lazy Sunday a few weeks back so here you go. My only problem with this video is that Mr. Pibb + Red Vines does not = Crazy Delicious, but Mr. Pibb + Twizzlers (or Chipotle) does = Crazy Delicious! Suckit Nick (and Dunner) (and everyone else at boxing).

P.S. If you wanna hold a baby we're here for your enjoyment, he'll sleep on you... unless it's 3:00 AM!

Riley Jacob Callahan!

2009-02-28T08:32:00.000-08:00

My bad for not posting videos yesterday. I will try to not have another baby on a Friday!!! Dude is awesome, he has big eyes and was wide awake as soon as he came out.

In an unrelated story I passed my LEED AP Test about an hour before I got to the hospital! So I am now officially the dirtiest of hippies. I was planning on making a run to Hemptations, Journeys, and then go to Disc World, but the kid kind fo threwa wrench into my plans....

Anyway here are some pictures of my dude!

No one checks blogs anymore, but here you go.

2009-02-20T09:36:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap. She has to be going 150 MPH! Big Balls move of the week.

"It'll leave skid marks on your soul???" Really? My favorite part of Pole Position was when you would simply touch another car and you were vaporized! Ohh the days when you couldn't take a game out of the box and beat it minutes later.

Mountain Biker Slams Tree - Watch more Funny Videos
Lights Out!

Probably Not The Best Idea - Watch more Funny Videos
My Bad.

So my SNL segment has been changed to SNL Digital Short Segment!

Sad...

2009-02-16T06:34:00.000-08:00

It deeply saddens me to post this picture, but in the interest of blogging integrity I MUST post the result of the Brenda Warner poll / debate. Look I still think she’s hot, but it seems as though Dunner and I may be responsible for all 6 yes votes. My guy at work simply couldn’t get over the fact that she looked like Ma’am in her past days, and of course the fact that she is Bat Sh*t Crazy! I will say that this thumbs down has ruined my Monday and possibly my week (unless of course the boy decides to make his appearance this week, then it will go from ruined to… o.k.).

This week does promise to be memorable as I am taking some classes Tues, Wed, Thurs to officially become a tree-hugging hippy! Work is having myself and another guy take a LEED Training course this week and take our certification exam next week. What is LEED you ask? LEED is Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design. I think it should be LIEAED, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue like LEED. Basically it will give us the ability to pursue jobs that are being built “green”. My thought is if it gives me some kind of job security (certification is NOT a cheap process) then I am all for it! Really it is a good thing and I think in the next 10 years all construction guys will have to be LEED certified to get a job. It will become similar to having OSHA training right now.

Completely non-related to being a hippie, so the wife and I are at Target (devil) yesterday and I realized how ready she is to be a mother… As we are getting ready to checkout we realize that we forgot to get myself some new undies (*editors note* my last set of new underwear were purchased by my mother, so I’m due for some new ones)! So we head back to the men’s department where they have walls of underwear. There she proceeds to give me a wedgie so she can see the tag on the back of my underwear (I couldn’t remember the brand or size of my drawers). Here I am grown man standing in a Target with my underwear pulled up to my shoulder-blades looking none too amused. I felt like a 5 year old being checked by his mother! By the time this akward exchange has run it’s course we are both laughing so hard that we are in tears and I can’t imagine what others are thinking as we are searching for tagless boxer briefs in size whale (they were fresh out so the saga continues). I can’t wait to go to Victoria’s Secret so I can pull her drawers up over her head!

I make it rain on the hoes.

2009-02-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

Project: Toothpicks in my Beard - Watch more Funny Videos
This should be the culmination of facial hair february (which has turned into facial hair january/february). By the way dude, don't worry about getting ANY of those toothpicks in the trash bag at the end of the video.

Funny Soccer Celebration - Watch more Funny Videos
If I ever get invited to play indoor soccer again (I won't) this will be my celebration if I score a goal (I won't).

Asian Teen is Very Awkward - Watch more Funny Videos
You NEED to carve out 3 minutes in your life to watch this! Is that a graphing calculator on his waist? Nick playin drums has got nothin on this guy!

No way he could do that on my old Knight Rider big wheel.

Ok I know that I'm on a boat < Jizz in my pants < Dick in a box, but the fact that T Pain is in it gives this video street cred.

Firecrotch Baby!

2009-02-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

Whatt??? Someone tell me how this ever made it out of the concept phase of production. Oh nevermind it's Japanese!

In other news, it’s official we have a shat load of blue stuff for the boy! I knew going in that when you announce that you’re having a boy it turns a light on in women’s heads that they HAVE to buy something blue for the kid. But I was not expecting this amount of blue stuff. Don’t get me wrong I think it is awesome that so many people care that much about us to actually buy our fetus something, but it’s just a lot of blue (I’d rather it be blue than pink). It makes me glad that we painted the room tan! So with all baby showers down, pretty much the only thing that we still have to buy is a pack ‘n’ play. Not bad at all. I figure that will be the first and last hundred dollars that I spend on the kid so it won’t be too bad.

How bout my UC Bearcats though? Look I know that G-Town isn’t exactly tearing it up this year and neither is Notre Dame, but those are 3 wins against teams that we usually don’t beat. UC had never beaten G-Town in Big East play and knocked them off twice this year! Look I know that they still have to finish the year strong (which they have never done under Mick) to make the tournament, but it is great to at least be able to talk about it this year. In order to make it they are going to have to beat either West Virginia, Louisville, at Syracuse, or at Pitt. Which brings me to my next point. Why is Xavier so overrated? I get so sick of Xavier fans talking about their record. I know that they have lost only 1 game in the daunting A-10 so far this year (Duquesne really???) but come on man. Step up to a real conference and we’ll talk. Until then (sorry Simon) like Utah, YOU ARE A MID-MAJOR AND DESERVE NO PROPS!

P.S. I am still devising a way to settle the Brenda Warner tie. It may have to involve someone who has never voted on the original question. I'll keep you posted.

Slim Pickins This Week...

2009-02-06T09:22:00.001-08:00

eTrade Baby Outtakes - Watch more Funny Videos
I happen to think all of the E-Trade baby commercials are hillarious. Here are some outtakes.

Awesome Beer Bottle Dominoes - Watch more Funny Videos
Mikey made this video after the epic "Poker Game of 2008"

I also think Triumph is ALWAYS funny.

Little Kid Faceplants Parkour Attempt - Watch more Funny Videos
Freestyle walking is not a crime.

YOUNG CHUCK NORRIS!

Steve Perry is Asian?

2009-02-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

So as I am watching (actually I was painting the kitchen) the Super Bowl 12 hour Pregame Show yesterday Journey comes on. Lindsey then asks me who the lead singer of Journey is... I use my Basketball knowlege to answer, Steve Perry. Her next question is, "Is he Asian?" At that point I put down my paint brush and come watch some Asian guy sound EXACTLY like Steve Perry. I later learned that this dude won some karaoke contest to become Journey's new lead singer. What bar was this at? How did I miss out? I'm sure that if they would have seen my karaoke rendition of "Why don't we get drunk... and screw" or "You don't have to call me darlin... darlin" I would be the new singer of Journey! I just don't remember Kurt Loder telling me that Journey broke up.

Now on to the actual reason why I was awake last knight (no not the commercials which mostly sucked) Super Bowl VVVVVVVVIII (sorry I only know that V's are 5 and I's are 1). The game, let's face it was fixed by Obama. Every time they went under the hood to "review" a play they were just consulting with Obama. I call shenanigan's on all of the penalties that they called against the Cards, that was some bullsh! I was the world's biggest Cardinals fan yesterday which I guess sealed the deal for them losing. John McCain ain't got nothin on me as far as being a Cards fan (remember I never trust a man who can't touch the top of his head (I'm going to hell)). I also came to the conclusion on the way home that I would rather see the Steelers lose than the Bengals win! I hate everything about the Steelers and their fans. From their gay towels to their gay players I just hate them.

One thing is for certain, that was the greatest 12 minutes that has ever followed the worst 48 minutes in sports history! What a horrible 3 quarters! I have heard people saying all day that was the greatest Super Bowl EVER! What? Are you kidding me? Where were you for quarters 1-3? This is how I rate the Super Bowl, Quarter 1...2 - Quarter 2...3 (TD taken to the house has to count for something) - Quarter 3...2 - Quarter 4...10. That gives the Super Bowl a 4.25 rating in my book. Sure the 4th quarter was great, but the rest of the game BLEW!

My next observation is this, when did Brenda Warner get hot??? This is her now...

This was her then...

Whatt??? Remember when you looked like Ma'am from Webster?

I have no clue how this happened, OK I do, but still whoever the doctor was that carved up her face was worth every penny! I'm sayin that Brenda Warner is now hot! Voice your opinion to the right.

Dan Majerle = Best NBA Jam Player EVER!

2009-01-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

Lake Bike Jump Goes Very Wrong - Watch more Free Videos
Ouch.

Double Alley-Oop NBA Jam Style - Watch more Sports Videos
Anyone else hearing the guy from NBA Jam say "Boom, Shacka Lacka!"

Coolest Wrestling Move You'll Ever See - Watch more Free Videos
This is a clip from Rey Misterio Jr's. little brother... Steve Misterio Jr! Awesome!

Bud Bowl will be back this year! (though not as good as McRib being back) Here is their "secret spot" which anyone can see by sending Bud a text message (or by pressing play on my blog).

SNL-Bill-Brasky-Funeral-Will-Ferrell - Hosted by Putfile.com

And finally for my new weekly segment within a segment the "SNL Video of the WEEK!!! Thanks to my brother for reminding me about this one!

Snow Day!!! (not me)

2009-01-27T09:53:00.001-08:00

I love Cincinnati! I love everything about the area, I love how if a Reds player hits a towering 250 ft. popup the crowd screams like he hit it into the river. I love how people still refuse to cheer for UC Basketball since the got rid of an overrated coach 5 years ago. But most of all I love how every time we get 2+ inches of snow people act like Jesus is coming back! Are you kidding me? I had to leave at 6:15 to get to work by 7:30 this morning (barely). It's only a few inches of snow people!

Last knight as I was watching the school closings roll along the bottom of the screen (before a flake of snow fell) I remembered watching the closings when I was a young buck. Not to sound like the "back when I was young" guy, but I am about to. I remember the magical accumulation in order to get a day off school was around 6" maybe less with ice. But we NEVER got off school for a 3" snow, possibly a delay, but certainly not off. This is all part of the wussification of America, and everyone is so afraid of getting sued that they just call off school or work. It's easier, than parents taking responsibility and actually teaching their kids how to drive in the snow (it's not that hard). Honestly I just think it's crazy!

It reminds me of this really great story of when I was learning to drive and I was in the Topaz. I'm just going along and it's snowing outsi.... Welp they just told us to go home for the day. I'M OUT!!!

Videos. That's All.

2009-01-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

Reporter Missteps on Obamas' Love Life - Watch more TV Videos
Barak and Michelle do whatt??? I sense a Presidential sex tape coming on!

Really??? As fast as Kenyans?

This is why I hate Steelers fans. Really, a Terrible Towel at the Inauguration? I hate you!

I don't know if this is as good as dick in a box, but I saw it a while back and shat myself!

And since I was talking about him the other day...Dominican Lou!

Angry Whopper > Spicy Ator

2009-01-16T10:34:00.000-08:00

I typically don't give you a message with my Friday videos, but I just had an Angry Whopper (no bacon of course), I give it a solid A-. It is slightly better than the Spicy Ator from Wendy's. It would have scored higher but for some reason it had bar-b-que sauce on it??? Just give me the Whopper with the hot stuff, no bacon or bbq thanks.

BACON'D! by Kevin Bacon

You got BACOOOOOOOOOON'D! Damn I hate bacon (Kevin Bacon too).

Bunny Hop Goes Bad - Watch more Free Videos
My Bad...

Tuber Slams Into Docked Boat - Watch more Free Videos
This wouldn't have been nearly as bad in the water bullet (coffin).

How to Smash Watermelons - Watch more Free Videos
I like my watermelon cut in nicer pie shaped pieces thank you. Nevermind her weave falling out!

OK this is a little long, but very accurate (of my life atleast) especially at the 2:35 mark!

You asked for it!

2009-01-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

Most Painful Mousetrap Gag Ever - Watch more Free Videos
I figured I would shut down the poll since 9 people have voted and only 1 (most likely Lindsey) said not to post it.

Gangsta Party! - Vote on my Poll!

2009-01-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Dude Endures Paintball Firing Squad - Watch more Free Videos
Dang! Some foul language, but it's worth it!

Little Kid Whacks Dad With DVD - Watch more Free Videos
This is my living room, Christmas Day in about 3 years!

Kathy Griffin Tells Off Heckler - Watch more Free Videos
I don't know why, but I've always thought Kathy Griffin was funny. Maybe because she is like a female version of me! Comedy none the less.

Kid Goes Insane On Christmas - Watch more Free Videos
Is this kid better than Nintendo 64 kid???

Kid Suffers Faceplant and Screams - Watch more Free Videos
Foul language again, but it's worth it to see this little choad break himself! Hey kid you forgot to take the stickers off and break in the bill of your gangster hat! Deutsch!

Kwestions?

2009-01-08T08:37:00.000-08:00

So it’s been a week since the catastrophe in Miami and I guess I am starting to get better, thanks for the cards and email well wishes… I am going to sit down and watch my first football game since the Orange Bowl toknight. I guess I have a few questions;

1) Why the hell is the National Championship game on January 8th? I remember when I was just a young buck and we would have to go back to school on January 2nd, Brian and I would beg our parents to let us stay up and watch the Sugar Bowl or Orange Bowl or whatever game was going to determine the National Champion. Really I would like for all games to be over by New Years Day, but I know that is not gonna happen. So if they must go beyond 1/1 then why not finish it up on the Friday knight after New Year’s Day? It doesn’t conflict with NFL and is still on a weekend knight where the genital public doesn’t have to stay up til midknight on a school/work knight.

2) What is all the fuss about Utah? I know they went undefeated, but c’mon, in the Mountain West Conference??? Give me a break, that’s not real football. Go through the SEC, Big 12, Big 2 (that’s right with the emergence of Penn State it has become the Big 2), or even Big East undefeated and we’ll talk, but when your most impressive Conference win is BYU (the fightin’ Mormons played no one either) you don’t have a leg to stand on. Even with a “Plus 1” format I don’t see them getting into the Plus 1 game! My BCS cheat sheet still has Texas at #3 and there is no way that Utah is going from #6 to #2 with a win over Bama. So then what now they are gonna want a “Plus 2”? This is why we need a playoff people! If you put 8 teams in a playoff with automatic bids and a few at large berths according to the BCS standings here’s what you got:
1) Big 12, Oklahoma
2) SEC, Florida
3) At Large, Texas
4) At Large, Bama
5) Pac 10, USC
6) Big 10, Penn State
7) Big East, UC
8) ACC, Virginia Tech
Guess what? That’s by the numbers (with no bias) and Utah didn’t even make it! Sorry but even if they do go to a playoff (they won’t) there will always be automatic bids because that’s how the NCAA works. So in this case there is no way that Utah is jumping over Bama or Texas for an automatic bid, tough sh*T!

3) My next question would be this. If you are a college football coach would you rather have an undefeated season in the Mountain West, ORRRR a 1 loss season in the SEC or Big 12? If you said 1 loss in the SEC or Big 12 you would be correct! All other answers are considered moronic and I have pitty on your thinking.
That is all… I’m off to the Shriner’s Burn Center to get a skin graft for my hand after my minor Router accident last knight while working on my Fantasy Football Trophy. The bastard that gets it this year (not me) better appreciate all my hard work!