Friday, May 30, 2008

Firday is Video Day!

Big Wheel Drifting - Watch more free videos

Jr. Gooch in 6 years!

NWA The Clean Version - Watch more free videos

I usually hate the English, but this is hillarious. They did name their kid Jasper though.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Leaves of 3... S.O.B.!

Sorry, all the other poison ivy pics made me wanna vomit. Look at my boys nipps though. It looks like the one on the right is winkin at you! I remember when my slit nipps became full blown nipps that popped out... I WAS 10! How would you like to go through life with one innie nipp and one outie nipp?

Because I know that everyone is concerned for my health here is the poison ivy update. The Devil's rash is still on my arm, so I went to my regular doctor today and got yet another shot, this one in the arse. Somehow Urgent Care was not allowed to administer a shot powerful enough to get rid of the poison ivy. Whatever I better be cured of this by Saturday, because it is starting to ruin my life. Let's just hope that I can contract it again Sunday when I chase a ball into the woods at the 101st Northwest High School Golf Outing. Much fun is always had watching my old teachers get obliterated.

In something completely not related, I read Hal McCoy's blog this morning and let me just say... Dude is nuts! I know darren's dad drives him around and he's I nice guy, but he is unable to write a complete thought without interrupting himself to talk about something unrelated. In a tribute to Hal I will write this synopsis of his article, in a matter similar to his writing. Basically Hal said that Homer Bailey is not playing for the reds because he has a bad attitude. Frank's Red Hot is far superior to Tobasco, which may be the poor homeless man's hot sauce. If Homer were half the man that Jay Bruce is he would have came up with the club in April. I need to go get another iced tea from the kitchen. He thinks he knows it all and is unwilling to take instruction from anyone. Did I wash my hands after I pooped??? It's way to hard to attempt to follow his ramblings. In ESPN The Mag, they often do the "If Larry King wrote for us" column, that is completly random and free flowing. That is Hal McCoy, I know people love him, but it is time to hang em' up.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Let's Fight With Helmet's On!

What a crazy weekend I just had, only problem it was just too dang short! Let's start my recap by stating that "S@%T goes down at the Greenhills Barbershop!" As I'm waiting to get my hair's cut Saturday morning, Al, the barber between Ray (greatest man alive) and Darren tells Darren to call 9-1-1. To which Darren responds why? Al says again "call 9-1-1." My thought was when someone tells you to call 9-1-1, don't ask questions, just call 9-1-1. Anyway, much craziness ensues in the barber chair, the best guess by a paramedic was that he may have had a couple seizures right there. Big shot out to Al for telling darren to call 9-1-1 (3 TIMES!!!). Then just to add some more craziness to the situation, Jermaine (or as darren called him Jerome) Tubbs walks in the door... Looking exactly like he did last time I saw him 10 years ago!

Sunday morning I woke up to a little Poison Ivy, always interesting. So after church, the wife and I went to storage to dig through 15 feet of boxes to find my poison ivy cream that I was sure I wouldn't need 2 weeks ago as we were packing. I decided to take it easy that day, so I took a nap and watched most of the Indy 500 (still bitter I didn't go for the first time in 7 years). During the race it was comical to see our girl Danica go all "racer guy" on Ryan Briscoe. I love race car drivers for one reason, if they wanna fight someone, there is no way in hell their helmet is coming off! She starts walking in the direction of Briscoe's pitbox like a hard ass, knowing there is no way security would let her get that far. If I'm security I let her get down there and get knocked out by his pimp hand. This is the definition of a "no win situation" for Briscoe. If Danica gets to him and punches him in the grill (helmet) and he does nothing, he's a punk for getting punched by a gril. If she hits him then he knocks her out he is a jerk for hitting a girl, loses his job and the National Organization of Women are all over him (which might not be a big deal if they weren't all Amazon's). I just think this was Danica knowing she has a racing league wrapped around her finger and knows she can do whatever she wants, if I was on the track I would have just pulled into the pit and "accidentally" ran the hoe over. My other favorite part was watching Sara Fischer spin out... DURING A CAUTION LAP!!! Stupid woman! She wrecks every year in the first 50 laps and screws somthing up, atleast this year she didn't take anyone else out with her.

So after the race we were off to the Dunn's to have a Memorial day cookout, and I go to take a shower. I look at my poison ivy arm and it is now all over the place, and oh by the way my eyelid was starting to swell up. At that point it was clear that a trip to Urgent Care was in order. Sweet, just what I wanted to do today. So I go to UC, and get my shot and some cream to put on the area and today I am better off for it! God love that doctor at UC she didn't even make me beg for the shot instead of the pills which take 6 days to work.

Not much went down yeaterday, a little laundry, a little shopping followed up by dinner at the in-laws'. That marked the 4th day in a row for me having a hamburger this weekend, and it'll be sad toknight when I slam my head on my pillow hamburgerless! How bout you, howmany burgers did you crush this Memorial Day weekend?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Polls Have Closed!

Gym Jump Knockout - Watch more free videos

In an overwhelming vote, VIDEOS! have beaten out words and Capt. Phallus by 2 votes! I still have no idea how Blogger came up with it's total votes casted, 5+7+3=13? Wow must have gone to Northwest! And oh yeah, you need to have your sound turned on to watch this video to get the full effect.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Parting is such sweet... sorrow?

Today, Hello Kitty was named the official traveling ambassador to Japan? Like we needed another reason to make fun of the Japanese. That's all I got on that.

Friday knight played some sand volleyball, it was our first game in a league organized by Lindsey's cousin. The game started well, when D. Glass was trying to hit a ball and chucked his ring 6" deep in the sand. Luckily for him, just as he was about to give up, somehow this old guy found it and we didn't have to resort to the metal detector.

Niw for the great move of 2008 part 1, as of last knight all pieces of furniture have been accounted for and remain UNDAMAGED! I have no idea how this happened, except for the fact that our movers were awesome and worth every penny (all 50,000 of them). You should have seen my dude Greg load up our storage unit. It's same to say there is no room for even a dead midget in storage they packed it so tight. We spent all day Sunday making a Goodwill/Mercyworks run and taking other little things to storage, and oh yeah cleaning.

Lindsey and I both had the same feeling as we were walking through the empty house. It's weird, because even though we were frustrated so much living there, and hated it enough to pay someone to buy it, it's still the only place we had called home during our married life so we were kind of sad to leave. It's funny how you kind of look at a house as a living thing, and yesterday our condo looked sad as we closed the doors.

Enough of the sob story though, we are officially moved in with Tim and Gayle, and have way too much crap stuffed into what is otherwise known as my old bedroom. Lindsey crushed her face on the wall on her side of the bed (due to the tinyness of the bed). The important thing is that I will have my PS3 hooked up today when I get home from work, ie 1 1/2 hours after I leave (damn 75 north).

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Off My Back Woman!

So I get an email from the wife today saying that I need to post actual content on the blog and not just videos. Here is my problem, sometimes I just simply have nothing to say, therefore why bore both of my readers (myself and my wife) with meaningless content. When I first started posting I thought that people like Simon and The Gooch were chumps for not posting stuff all the time. Turns out I kind of see why they don't... It's hard to think of clever and humorous writing topics frequently.

I've kind of relegated myself to posting videos when I got nothing better to say. My gameplan there is twofold, 1) I would rather watch a funny video that waste 5 minutes of my life reading a dumb post. 2) It keeps people coming back, if I just posted every other week when I had a good topic people would stop clicking on my blog. Basically the idea is to put something new up every other day, even if it is just a video that made me chuckle. So like a long knight at a not so well lit pub, this brings us to my poll (or pole)... Would you rather me just post words whenever I find something I wanna write about with not so many videos, or do you want me to fill in the gaps (that's what she said) with videos to brighten your day as they did for me?

Finally, the great move of 2008 Part 1 is coming up this weekend. The movers show up Saturday morning at 8 am, and I'm gonna work those dudes. I'll have everything on the first floor so they will just cycle through and not stop lifting stuff! I'm paying them by the hour, so you better believe there will be no smoke breaks. I'll keep you updated on how much crap gets destroyed, I still think if I come out with under $500 worth of broken/damaged stuff I'll count it as a victory. I've also decided to start a trend when moving by not calling friends to help me move. Here was my logic, I hate moving, don't care if it is moving myself or moving you, IT SUCKS! Why would I ask someone to help me do what NO ONE wants to do. I kind of related it to the Young Life "You Gotta Try That" skit, "Dude I just a root canal, it hurt so bad and I cried like a girl... YOU GOTTA TRY THAT!!!" In conclusion, I wouldn't ask you to get a root canal with me so why would I ask you to help me move? Logic is fun!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

ZOMG!!! (whatever that means)

Not Even Close - Watch more free videos

1st was good this is better!

Damn! - Watch more free videos

Watch my boy leading the pack.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


OK so I walk in the door at work today and hear those 2 magical words that everyone loves to hear..."Server's Down" SWEET!!! Talk about an excuse to do absolutely nothing for a few hours. Everything I do has something to do with the server or the extranet, so there was nothing I could do until about 11:00. I started my day by kind of staring at my screen for about 20 minutes. After doing this I began an epic series of Vegas (baby) Solitaire, in which I lost $736 (virtual of course). At about 9:00 I came to the realization that I blow at solitaire and I started playing hearts. The only thing I have to say about hearts is... DAMN YOU QUEEN OF SPADES! (On the last hand to lose the game) If you don't play hearts this is the equivalent of playing driveway 21, you and you buddy Steve both have 19, you drive the lane for a layup and as it rolls off the rim Steve (bastard) tips it in to win the game. So it is now just before 10:00 and I hear some guy putting in the hallway, holy crap game on! This is what I had been waiting for all morning, someone to whip out the putter. When I started out putting it was just me and a guy, by the time we got to the 13th hole (the large conference room) we had a 7-some. No money exchanged hands although there was talk of organizing a skins game next time the server goes down.

At about 10:50 the IT guy shows and starts swapping wires in the server room. As we are putting by him, I remembered the only thing about IT that I know (mainly from an old Dell commercial).
Me: Having problems with the blades?
Him: Blades?
Me: You know what goes into the Blade Center?
Him: Blade Center?
Me: Yeah where you put the Blades!
Him: You guys don't have a blade center.
Me: Well where do the blades go?
Him: No Blades.
Me: Oh Ok, welp my turn to putt!

It was a dream conversation, he had no clue that I was screwing with him, but I am pretty sure that he knows that I have no idea how to fix a server. Bad news came about 12 minutes later when I hear our accountant yell "woohoo server is up and running!" Who does that, what kind of person is excited when we get to BACK to work?? An accountant that's who!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Jay Silver = Luckiest Bastard on Earth!

I typed in Black Jack and got a bunch of Jack Black pictures, this was my favorite one.

Wow what a great weekend, Friday knight we watched Aly while Brian and Minders were busy being appreciated by YoungLife. Let's just say uncle Brad got PLAYED! We walk into the shoe store to pickup Lindsey's shoes for her brother's wedding, and Aly's eyes light up. After she tells me how "Daddy lost her pink frip frops" she tries on some cute ones, and lets me know in her cutest voice "you can buy em'". Snap, done deal, 30 seconds later they are on her feet.

Saturday knight was the 105th annual Northwest Monte Carlo Knight! I never do this event justice and forget how much fun I have every year. There's not too many alums that go, so it is not typically an akward event. My favorite part every year is playing Black Jack with my boy Jay Silver! I love that guy, even if he dragged my off the football field by my face mask in 7th grade. So at the table we have (clockwise) Jay Silver, Me, Hamrick, Mikey, B, and the Priest (at the end of the Knight). Jay spends the knight telling funny stories about teachers and students, all the while dropping Black Jack after Black Jack, just raking in the chips. After he has gotten 6 Black Jacks in like an hour (I had 1 all knight) he goes up front to take his place as horse #1 in the faculty horse race. Not only does he win the race going away, but he also got another Black Jack while he was up there (he told me to keep him in the card game while he was up there). Then he sits down and buys a raffle card for a dollar and wins $25 a minute later. At this point he looks at me and says he brought $50 to basically donate to the school, and he had $135 in his pocket. Who makes 85 bucks playing $1 per hand Black Jack? Jay f'ing Silver that's who! Although Jay had a good knight, the best play was by far made by me, I split deuces, not once but three times... And won all 4 hands, bam, you've never done that!

Next year everyone is going, I don't care if you went to N-Dub or not, it's always fun. I walked in with 40 bucks in my wallet and walked out with the same 40 bucks, you can't beat that. I mean even a good hooker costs $27!

Thursday, May 1, 2008


This was the video I was looking for. It was posted on Lance Mcallister's blog the other day. It is an amazing 2 minutes of a guy with too much time on his hands!

More Videos!

Because less of me and more funny videos is a good thing... Here you go! Don't worry there is no bodily harm in any of these. Panzies.


HUMAN TETRIS, I love Japan!

Kanye Hands!