Monday, March 23, 2009

Is Cal State Northridge Still Alive?

For real where was this shirt a year ago when my wife was beginning her second career as a cart girl? I often look at or other funny t-shirt websites, but I am always too much of a girl to buy a shirt that I think if hilarious.

Sooooo, what did you do this weekend? Did you watch basketball? Not this guy. I had all of the excuses in the world to watch the tournament (and by THE tournament I am of course referring to the CBI), but I just simply could not make myself do it. I have a baby that does not allow us to leave the house and I instead chose many times to watch/do something else. I just can’t get into it, I don’t know if I’m just so bummed out that UC is no longer in the equation that I cannot watch basketball or what. Every time I would sit down and turn the TV on I would flip it to CBS watch about 3 minutes and switch the channel, or turn on the PS3 and continue the career of Brad Callahan, the third base prodigy for the Houston ASStros. Currently I’m a 20 year old playing for the AAA Round Rock Express, hitting .337 with 3 big flys and 9 R’sBI (I recently got called up). MLB ’09 The Show (I know I said this last year) is the best baseball game I’ve ever played. You can play an entire game in about 5 minutes real time and if you’re playing “Road To The Show” like I am, it allows you to play an entire season in a few weeks. That was always my biggest gripe with baseball games before, it takes an hour to play a game and by the time you finish your season Madden comes out the next week. This just fast forwards to your players at bats and defensive action, AND this year you can adjust the number of pitches you have to watch when another guy is batting (I always hated being on base for 3 batters (7 pitches a piece) after I singled, only to have Edwin Encarnacion pop one up the elevator shaft). Now it’s like 2 pitches per batter before they pop out or get a hit. Awesome.

Also in my attempt to avoid basketball yesterday I stumbled upon “Band of Brothers.” It was the episode when they discover the concentration camps. That show ALWAYS hooks me. No matter how many times I’ve seen the episode I always have to finish it, if I have to go somewhere I’ll DVR it. I’m not a history guy like my brother, but they just did such a great job with that whole miniseries. The only other show that I can jump in on and watch every time is Sopranos. I didn’t think it would be as good on A & E, but they do a good job of editing without taking too much from the show.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Better Late Than Sometimes. Wait, Huh?

Suckit UK Fans! I forget sometimes how brilliant Chris Farley was... RIP my homie (I'm pouring out some Coors Light on my carpet right now).

I hate "One Shining Moment!" That said, "Winning It All" Is so much awesomer, I have tears in my eyes right now remembering this series as one of the greatest week and a half periods of my life! How many awesome people are in this video? MJ & Scottie (of course) The Worm, Miami's Favorite son Ron Harper, Luc Longley, Shawn Kemp (how many kids does he have by now?), The Glove, Detlev frickin Schrempf, some random white guy on the Sonics' bench (#14), Sam Perkins (not to be confused with Patrick Chewing) who was the deadliest shooting Center EVER!!!, and of course Tony Kukoc (nuff said).

Techno Toddler - Watch more Funny Videos
This kid is JAMMIN! I would have thought he was German, listening to techno and all, but whatever.

Referee Has Wheels - Watch more Funny Videos
Look I know there are alot of soccer guys who read this blog, but this video is a great reason why people think soccer players are vaginas! Count the ferry kicks that this ref takes. QUIT BEING A GIRL AND PUNCH HIM!!!

I know this is not a digital short, but this was Tracy Morgan's best effort last Saturday Knight!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hello Drowziness My Old Friend...

My wife does a lot (a ton) for me, and for that I am eternally grateful. But one of the things that will make me be indebted to her for the rest of my life is her bringing Oatmeal Crème Pies back into my life. I forgot about OCP’s years ago when I was 12, but she recently started buying them again. The issue I have with OCP’s is today when I opened up the box and packed my lunch I noticed a label on the box that read, “America’s #1 Oatmeal Crème Pie.” My first question is… Isn’t it America’s ONLY Oatmeal Crème Pie? They have kind of trademarked the name right? It would be more accurate to say America’s #1 Oatmeal Treat, or just “Little Debbie is a dirty whore who makes delicious oatmeal snacks.” Wouldn’t this kind of be like Honda marketing the Civic as “America’s #1 Honda Civic” or someone saying Guy Fieri is a deutsch? These things are given! You can’t market something as #1 if there is no #2.

Today if you haven’t noticed is St. Patrick’s Day! I am currently wearing a green shirt, and underwear with a green stripe in them (last time I wore them was last St. Patrick’s Day, hence the green stripe). My thought though is that St. Patrick’s Day is much better when it is on a Friday or Saturday. Remember Mason Pub, back-to-back years? Remember what made those knights great (besides Doc Brown and the Jiggawatts)? St. Patrick’s Day those years were on weekend days. I think now that we finally have an Irish President he should change St. Patrick’s Day to the second Saturday in March. This will prevent all the d-bags that call in sick to work on March 17th from being fired on March 18th.

Finally… My son. Look at that picture. How can you not love that kid? I’ll tell you how. When it is 5:00 in the morning and he is screaming at the top of his tiny lungs and you’ve gotten approximately 13 minutes of sleep all knight and you have to get up for work in an hour! Look don’t drop the “that’s how babies are” or “it’ll get better” or “the first month is the worst” I know, I know. I just want to vent here. We thought we had his knights and days figured out last week, but the last 4 knights have been awful. The only funny thing is after his late knight feeding I’m holding him trying to get him to sleep and he’s just looking at me with those big eyes saying, “ha, you schmuck, it’s midknight and I’m not even entertaining the idea of falling asleep.” If he had control of his middle finger I’m sure he would be flipping me off.

P.S. He's not cross-eyed, he just looks like he is in that picture!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Out of Town Friday so Here you Go Thursday!

Kid Shoots Can Off Buddies Head - Watch more Funny Videos
I'm also this accurate, only I have to replace the can with my brothers crotch! I hit it every time.

Terrible Backflip Off Vending Machine - Watch more Funny Videos
I love people messing up backflips... Go to sleep hoe!

Trucks Vs Bridge - Watch more Funny Videos
Are you like me? Have you always wondered what happens when an overpass has a marked height of 13'-10" and a truck is say... 14'-0"??? Now you know.

80 Yard Goal Ties State Soccer Championship - Watch more Funny Videos
That keeper totally got Hamricked!

Andy's Dad looks just like the President of the First National Change Bank.

And just a reminder to set your DVR for the best SNL EVER!

Friday, March 6, 2009

I'm Back, and I'm Ringin' a Bell!

BMX Kid Faceplants Hard on Board - Watch more Funny Videos
Well Done Euro-dude.

Watermelon Cracked by Shuttlecock - Watch more Funny Videos
When me and Steve Oliver won the Northwest HS NATIONAL badminton championship we used to pound shuttlecock this hard. That's right I said it, now say it with me "SHUTTLECOCK"!

Painful Leap of Faith Over River - Watch more Funny Videos
Bigfoot is NOT ok.

The All-Purpose Pair of Nunchucks - Watch more Funny Videos
Where can I find a driver attachment for my nunchucks?
And how bout 2 videos with badminton in them??? New all time high!

Female Diver Slams Face On Diving Board - Watch more Epic Fails
There are too many stereotypes being proved correct in this video to list.

Somebody mentioned Lazy Sunday a few weeks back so here you go. My only problem with this video is that Mr. Pibb + Red Vines does not = Crazy Delicious, but Mr. Pibb + Twizzlers (or Chipotle) does = Crazy Delicious! Suckit Nick (and Dunner) (and everyone else at boxing).

P.S. If you wanna hold a baby we're here for your enjoyment, he'll sleep on you... unless it's 3:00 AM!