Friday, August 28, 2009

Only 1 Slow Motion for Simon!

Well I guess we now know why he is on Love Connection! Why doesn’t he just change his name to QueerBait or Homo or Kochgobbler or Ochocinco?

Wow, how she even got on the bull is a mystery to me.

Does anyone else find it ironic that this chick was beating the cameraman with a hoe?

Power Wheels Kid Crashes Down a Hill - Watch more Funny Videos
So the only thing this video was missing was the kid starting it with a “Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and welcome to Jackass!”

German Mascot Piggyback Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
Damn you Berlino!

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Week Ends.

This is why I don’t go to the Greenhills Barber Shop anymore!

EMBED-Drunk Girl Versus Glass Table - Watch more free videos
OK so this video is stupid for 1:15, just fast forward to the end.

Darren, you guys doing this song next time you play worship? It’s good…

Kid Discovers Vanessa Hudgens Nude Pics - Watch more Funny Videos
Nothin like a 10 year old Asian porn addict. Nothin.

Perfect BMX 360 Off of Roof - Watch more Funny Videos
Anytime you are at a party, someone is on the roof and you have a video camera in your hand, it is a good time to hit record!

I think J mentioned Astronaut Jones a few weeks back. It took me a while to find it, but here you go!

Monday, August 17, 2009

A Week Begins.

Damnit soccer! Why do you make it so easy for me to ridicule you?

Let me just say something about Kings Island, thank God they are not in the business of organizing 5K’s or 10 K’s or any other K’s. We decided to run the 5 K Sunday morning with the Dunner (keep in mind I’ve run maybe 5 times since the marathon in 2007, and am up about 30 lbs since then). I didn’t have such a good day on the running trail, but we did have fun hanging out at the park. First off, the race started 40 minutes late due to the fact that KI was so disorganized and had HUNDREDS of people in line checking in at the same time the race was supposed to start. Then the trail was 90% parking lot and maintenance roads and 10% in the actual park. Then they had no plan for re-entrance into the park if people want to go home and shower and come back (they stamped our hands BEFORE THE RACE, which we all sweated off during the race.) To say that the Dunner and I ran the park with our running bibs when we returned at 10 is an understatement. First we parked for free, then we just walked straight through the gates, and finally walked right up to the gold pass entrance and got waved through by the security guards just by showing them the bib. We waited longer ON Diamondback then we waited for Diamondback. It took 15 minutes to get on the ride, then we got stuck outside the terminal for 25 minutes when someone had a seizure getting off the ride (yes they told us he had a seizure which pretty much breaks every HIPPA law possible). Then we rode Fire Hawk (the flying ride), then Flight of Fear and the Racer all between 10 and 11:30! It’s pretty certain that if we would have wanted to eat lunch for free or punch SpongeBob in the face or bring back the Dolphins doing Tricks we would have been allowed to AS LONG AS WE HAD OUR RUNNING BIBS! It was like someone said “welp we got no plan so might as well let the runners do whatever the hell they want!” It was great.

Then last knight I watched some golf. I know that I may catch some flack from the sports world for this, but I kind of enjoyed Y.E. Yang’s victory over Tiger yesterday. I did the old “TiVo” it now and watch it when I get home from the in-law’s house again, only this time I knew the outcome before I watched the entire round. Here are the reasons why I was silently rooting for Y.E. (while yelling for Tiger to make a putt (which he cannot)).
1) My dude Y.E. waved to the cameras NO LESS than 317 times during the back nine! No one in golf does that. He embraced the situation for what it was, he was in a no lose situation and he knew it! If he shoots for the stick on every hole and wins he is a national (and global, face it only Amurrikans want Tiger to win) hero. If he bogies out after 12 holes and shoots a 7 over, then he is in the same boat as hundreds of men before him who could not handle the pressure of Tiger’s presence on the final day of a major.
2) I still like Tiger, but his entire schtick is just growing old on me. We know we know if you miss a putt it is because the green didn’t break the way it was supposed to, not because YOU CAN’T PUTT LATELY!!! It just seems that he really believes that he is entitled to win all majors.
3) If you play golf like a pimp for 2 days and like a (kids cover your ears) VAGINA for 2 days you do not deserve to win. I am so tired of seeing him play the safe shot! If you shoot even par and the rest of the field is -3 or -4 guess what? THEY'RE GAINING ON YOU! STEP UP!!!
4) Never again do we have to hear how “Tiger has never lost a tournament when leading after 54 holes.” This alone should have been enough reason for you to be rooting for Y.E. Of course now when Tiger is leading after Saturday it will be “Remember in 2009 when Y.E. Yang played superbly on Sunday to defeat Tiger Woods by 3 strokes, when Tiger was leading after 54 holes. Prior to that no one had ever beaten Tiger when he was leading that late into a Major.” Thanks Jim Nance, now go sit in the Butler Cabin with Hootie until we are ready to hear from you again at Augusta!
5) I can’t remember if I mentioned this or not, but YOU CAN’T PUTT!!! I putt better in my boss’s office with a collapsible putter than you do. Why is everyone else making putts and you are missing them? You suck Tiger! By the way I’ll be rooting for you again in 2 weeks at The Barclays.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Butt Hay!

Table Pool Slip And Slide - Watch more Funny Videos
I love Slip ‘N Slide videos, much like PiƱata (that’s right I found the Mexican Umlaut button on my keyboard) they NEVER end good.

Kid Demonstrates How To Parallel Park - Watch more Funny Videos
OK so this video is a little choppy, but this little dude is pretty badass on his Power Wheels. Did he go to UC? He must have with parallel parking skillz like that!

Homemade Zip Line Nut Shot - Watch more Funny Videos
OK so the ending to this zipline is just slightly better than the end to the zipline at Saranac, which pulls your scrotum through your harness.

This is why laser pointers are awesome!

I think I have played this game before!

Tracy Morgan Blackass - Watch more Funny Videos
Simon this is for you. If they ever really did make Tracy Morgan Blackass, I would watch.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Wow I can't tell where the glove ends and his face begins! (That was not racist, just an observation) Hey look he's using Grant Gloves, well Dunner you know those are punchers gloves!!! (I'll be here all week).

Well the past week or so has been an interesting week in terms of health for the Callahan house and whodda thunk none of it involved the boy. It all started last Wednesday when I was helping move an elliptical machine at work and jacked up my back for the 100th time. Now this is the part where you say, “well that’s nothing new.” Correct this has become a bi-annual (that means it goes both ways) event in my life for the past 8 years or so. So of course I go home and pop a few vicatin and muscle relaxers at lunch. Then that Knight I met the Dunner and Simon for a Reds game where I had a few adult pops at Gameday beforehand. The next day I have a Dr’s. appointment where they have to do blood work (why is it when you turn 25 years old every Dr’s visit requires blood work?). I go aboot my day, and Friday morning I get a call from the Dr’s office, here’s the conversation.
Nurse: Mr. Callahan we need to talk aboot (she’s Canadian too) your blood work.
Me: OK?
Nurse: It looks like your hep levels are very high. Normal is betwaan 10 and 40, your level in 140! We need to do some more blood work (of course they do!!!) to test for Hepatitis.
Me: What Hepatitis? I’m gonna die!
Nurse: Don’t worry until we get the results back.
Me: Do you know me, have we ever met?
Nurse: Well if you come in today we can get the results Monday.
Me: I’ll be in in 15 minutes!
I immediately hang up and go on WebMd to see how long I have to live. Turns out (in my mind) not only do I DEFINITELY have The Hep, but it leads to cirrhosis and I will need a liver transplant by Christmas. I immediately added myself to the Cincinnati liver donor’s recipient list. I then start to regret that drunken weekend spent with Pam Anderson and wonder if it involved a Golden Shower or not. To say that I had a long weekend is an understatement. I had knots in my stomach the entire weekend, which by the way was topped off with a trip to the ER Saturday knight . Lindsey was having some stomach pains and she thought she needed to go to either Urgent Care or the ER. I then threw in my 2 cents, and said a line not recommended if you have a wife in excruciating pain. “You do realize that a trip to the ER costs $75 right?” Needless to say it was an eventful ride to B-North. We met her mom at the ER and dropped the kid off with her and spent the next 4 hours getting her drugged up and pain free. We found out that she has a kidney stone ready to come out, and more in her kidneys. She’ll get them blasted out of there next week, but until then there is always the possibility that the pain could return.
Monday I call the Doctor to get the results of the blood work, here is that conversation.
Nurse: I’m sorry sir those tests take a few days for results.
Me: Lady I’m dying here! I may have only minutes to live and I have to wait more?
Nurse: If you don’t hear from us by Wednesday call back.
Me: OK I will call Paul R. Young’s to set up my funeral.
She called back Wednesday and told me that the Hep levels were now normal and were probably high because of the Vicatin, and most likely enormously high because of the combined Alcohol from the knight before. Kids this is where I tell you, if the bottle says do not mix with alcohol, do not mix with alcohol!!! 2 PBR’s will lead to the worst weekend of your life! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to call Paul R. Young’s and cancel my funeral arrangements.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Call me Betty...

World's Most Disgusting Drink - Watch more Funny Videos
What would you do for 100 bucks? No way I’m chugging some d-bags dip spit!

Little Girl Owned by Soccer Ball - Watch more Funny Videos
I’m guessing this video was shot during one of the Orange Alpacas first practices.

Tomato Launcher Prank - Watch more Funny Videos
Why this never happened at the farm I have no idea…

I think I need to give Harris a call…

I can’t remember if I posted this one during my “Ode to Tracy Morgan week”, but even if I did who cares it’s hilarious!