Tuesday, April 29, 2008

No Shirt, No Shoes...No Problem!

Holy crap this video is awesome! Only my boy JD can lace a drive 325 yards down the middle with no shirt, or shoes and a Marlboro in his mouth! I declare that next year's YoungLife Golf Marathon is to be played shirtless and shoeless! Who doesn't want to see Hobbs all lathered up go into a trap and come out covered in sand! If that happens I'll be raising $1,000 for my spot. Plus if they had a great day this year, odds are that next year it will be about 25 degrees, you know we'll all be cuttin glass by the 3rd hole. Simon of course will tell us he is completely comfortable as his nipps reach 1-1/4" long.

On a similar note, Lindsey has decided to make a career change! She is quitting her job (not really) to pursue a career as a "Beer Wench!" I guess she doesn't want to hang with Tim & Gayle this summer every day, so she decided to get the job. This may be a dream job for the golf playing husband of any woman! The best part of her job is that I get to play FREE GOLF at Beckett Ridge Country Club all summer! And if you are a friend of mine (which SOME of you are) you sir can play for $11! HOLY S*@T! Immediate family plays for free, so naturally my first call after learning of this new job was to my brother-in-law, to inform him of all the free golf we will be playing this summer. So needless to say, if you need me, I'll be on the links!

Friday, April 25, 2008

BOTCON 2008!!!

That's right I just found out why we haven't heard from Justin lately, BotCon 2008 at the Duke Energy Center is this weekend! Literally thousands of Transformers Fans will be in downtown Cincinnati this weekend and the vendors will be out in full force. I can guarantee you that there is one item that will stay safely stocked in the Walgreens downtown this weekend... CONDOMS!

Big afternoon for me today, as you may know I enjoy listening to the Jim Rome Show, and today is the Super Bowl for Jim, the 2008 Smack-Off! If you never listen today is the day to tune your radio to 1530 AM, as he invites his favorite callers to call in and make fun of each other. I am going to do everything in my power to do no work this afternoon so I can listen in for the hole thing. My phone is already on do not disturb and my door is closed, once I get the top button of my pants undone I'll be in heaven!

Toknight Brian, Nick, System and I are going to watch the second installment of the Harold and Kumar trilogy. I'm not sure if it is going to be as outstanding as the last considering there will be no Doogie Howser making out with a hooker and dropping a line off her back moment in this movie! If you have nothing to do toknight come out to Showcase Springdale at 9:30 and grab a funnel cake with us and watch 2 Asian's make us laugh.

Saturday will be fun running in the Donut Dash, making it the third time I've ran since that one day last year when I decided to run 26.2 miles. In my mind I know that 3.1 miles is nothing, but the problem is that I haven't even briskly walked since the Turkey Trot! So we'll see if my heart explodes, if it does then I'm suing Younglife for tens of dollars! Simon said that they have donuts at every mile, so I am not going to eat breakfast in preparation of eating atleast 6 donuts on the trail. If you pass me while I'm chucking tomorrow just promise that you'll stop to hold my hair back!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Executioner, got Sissy-Punched!

OK so Brian posted his 6 things and called me out, so given that it has been like a month since I last posted and I have nothing to talk about, I will attempt to see his challange.
-Moving is both exciting and agonizing at the same time. We closed on the sale of our condo(m) Friday knight and we started packing last knight. While it is exciting to think about where all of our stuff will be in the new house (by the way if you didn't know we are building a new house in Maineville and moving in with Tim & Gayle til October) it still blows to think of how much crap we are going to have to pack up.
-ImminentDomain is Crap!!! As you may know I have been working in Springfield alot lately and when I was up there last Thursday and Friday, the city has bought up 16 square blocks of houses for "revitalization" of the city. I know that they need a new hospital (not the one we're building, this one is 150-250 mil), but there has got to be a better way to go about getting the land. Basically these people are getting 50 cents on the dollar for their houses, because they appraised them as commercial land with a structure to tear down... not residential housing! I know alot of them are eyesores or whatever, but that is all these people could afford and now they are basically out on the streets until they find something a fraction of the size they had been accustomed to living in.
-I must be the most naive Cincinnati sports fan to think every year that each team has a chance to compete, but I really did think the Reds were gonna contend this year. Yesterday was classic Reds in that they got outplayed, only to get saved by the 3rd home run of Paul bako's career in the 10th. That wasn't a win, that was dumb luck, in MLB you are going to luck into some wins each year and that was all yesterday was, a lucky win.
-I have a nice sized office in our new building at work, and I think it's time to add my personal touch to it. When we moved in they said we could do whatever we wanted with the space and were to treat it as our own. I'm planning on hanging my Bengals inaugural game framed photo & ticket, above my desk, but other than that I'm not so sure. I really don't want to be diploma guy, like many others in our office. I guess my wife deserves a spot on my shelves for her picture, but then what do I do with the picture of my girlfrined? That may confuse some floks.
-Piggybacking off of Ian's post about buying a lawnmower to cut his grass, a lawnmower says alot about a person. Self-powered mower (like Ian's) says you are a hippie (sorry Ian, Brian's right) concerned with how your calves look. Self propelled walk behind (most common) mowers, say hey here's a normal guy just trying to get the job done quickly so he can get back to his beer. Non-propelled push mower says I am a health nut and enjoy the pain and agony of running behind my mower as I push it through the 1 foot high grass, "I'M A BEAST!!!" Finally the riding lawnmower says, I am a lazy bastard, especially if your yard is less than a half acre (sorry Dad (who doesn't read my blog)). Although this does offer the operator a chance to both work and drink beer at the same time. It is the yardwork equivalent of playing softball, ie playing sports while drinking at the same time.
-I hate hand lotion, my hands look awful, cracks everywhere, they bleed in the winter, Ashy Larry's got nothin on my hands! I was once told by Craig Brink (that's right I just dropped a Craig Brink reference) that I had working man's hands and I took that as a compliment. I like having rough hands, I like shaking hands with a guy who also had rough hands. If I shake your hand and you don't have rough hands or don't cause me physical pain by squeezing mine, then you do not have my respect as a human!

There you go, my six random thoughts. I would call out someone else, but you called out everyone else I know.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Video Madness

Awesome, when I got my OSHAA card in college we had to watch some cheezy videos, but none were as good as this one. My favorite is she chick falling off the ladder!

Why do we not have more places that offer curling in the US?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Who Likes Twinkies???

Charlie Does!

I often read SportsPickle.com, but rarely comment on it. I read it today and almost crapped myself when I read the main headline "Vegas picks Noter Dame to lose it's spring game." I know ND is like Duke or OSU where you either love em' or hate em' and there is no in between, but unfortunately for me, I love em! The main problem here is that over the last 16 or so months I have come to the following conclusion... Jimmy Claussen is a dousche! I'm not sure if it is his spikey hair, or the fact that he wore his 3 state championship rings (on the same hand) to his press conference.

In other news, the Reds suck and the season is over so there is no need to touch on them until November. When does football season start anyway? I think as Cincinnati sports fans we should have the right to jump on 1 bandwagon per year, guiltfree. Look at it as some sort of payback for sticking with the Bengals and Reds all season. It's the laest the sportsgods could do for us after punishing Cincinnati since 1990. Speaking of 1990 I saw Chris Sabo on Saturday eating lunch with his daughter at Willies in Kenwood. I just thought it was funny to have 2 Chris Sabo sightings in a matter of weeks. The best part was that the guys I was with didn't believe me, until I pointed out that he STILL HAD A FLATTOP!! I think that is just the product of a lazy barber, who can only do 1 type of haircut, kind of like Carl at Hilltop Barber Shop. Since we were in Montgomery we're looking in the parking lot at a bunch Benz's and BMW's trying to figure out which one belonged to Sabo, and as he exited we followed him, only to be let down to see him climb into a... Honda CRV??? So Chris Sabo and LO Kremer roll the same thing? Oh how the mighty have fallen, former millionaire rocking a Honda, hopefully he is just living off interest, but I don't know.

Friday, April 11, 2008


I love Mugshots, but I love retarted people better. This chick may be the dumbest person on the face of the earth! She stole $400 of candy from some candystore downtown, only to be tracked down by... THE POLICE WHO SIMPLY FOLLOWED A TRAIL OF CANDY WRAPPERS TO HER HOUSE!!! And Bragg says downtown is a good place. I don't want my kids to grow up around people who are too stupid to help themselves. This Tubby was eating the candy out of her baby stroller as she casually walked home? That's like holding up a bank, then counting the money by hand on your way out the door. Stash the whoppers and lemonheads away until you get home, then it's like Halloween knight all over again! A little advice for this chick, next time you choose to rob someplace, make it a Jenny Craig!

That is by far my favorite story of the week, infact today I am launching a new feature... Brad's favorite news story of the week (catchy title eh?).

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Krazy City? Krazy Awesome!

Above is a good example of what would happen if I was ever a manager at a sporting goods store.

If you are keeping score at home (and I know you aren't) Conner spanked me in pint sized bowling last knight at Krazy City! Somehow a 6 year old managed to bowl a 107 on an impossibly hard bowling game. I didn't even get a strike, and only had like 2 spares the whole time. I think the Big Balls Moment of the Knight came from... guess who? Conner Hamrick, who decided to buck the system when playing putt putt. Instead of paying 25 points (which equals $700) to play putt putt, he just walked up, grabbed a ball and a putter and walked right through the exit like he owned the place! It was awesome, why doesn't everyone do this? Once inside Conner hit the links, while Aly and I had a dance party under the blacklights. Later on Conner declared me his hero as I stuck it to Howie Mandel and beat the odds to win Deal or No Deal (the video game). As the tickets poured out of the machine he was running laps around the game, screaming.

I got home in time to watch the end of the Reds game, during which I came to this conclusion... We're going to the Super Bowl!!! If my calculations are right and we continue scoring 12 runs a game to the opponents 4, our final record will be 158-4, I'll take that.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Ball(s) is (are) Tipped!

OK so raise your hand if you watched the end of the NCAA Title game Monday knight. I know your hand is at your side right now. This would be the part where I complain about what time the game got over last knight, but you can't do that if you have no clue what time it ended. I think the worst part of my knight was when I realized that my Monday shows were on CBS and were not gonna be on. I would rather watch 4 geeks try to hook up with John Ritter's hot daughter than the NCAA Title Game! I'm sorry, but lately I just have no interest in NCAA basketball, maybe it's the fact that although it has been remodeled they still play for the worst trophy ever! My 1988 PRF Hit-A-Thon (that's right I'm the Man!) looks more prestigeous than that chunk of wood. So as I was thinking of my displeasure for the NCAA Title game, I started to think of Championship Events that I love so here you go, my top 10.

1. Super Bowl, predictable I know, but still nothing compares.
2. Baseball in October (and sometimes November) is the best time to watch games that you would otherwise have no interest in.
3. Any Golf Major (especially the Masters) is exciting to watch and greatly anticipated in my house. Note**If Tiger is in contention this event will go to 1A.
4. College Baseball World Series, 2 words OMAHA! Damn! If you have never followed the CBWS it is baseball at it's finest, even with the ping of the aluminum bat.
5. BCS Championship game, although it has been watered down in recent history by 100 meaningless bowl games and OSU shortcomings, I still look forward to the game.
6. NCAA Hockey Tournament, maybe it's just my latest bandwagon jumping of Miami's hockey tournament, but all the games I watched this year had me on the edge of my seat (couch).
7. Jim Rome's smack off, which is coming up. There is no better radio event than a bunch of losers searching for the approval of an arrogant jackass, whom I love!
8. NHL Playoffs, although I rarely watch the NHL, when I was into this sport there was nothing better than me and my brother staying up until 2 am on a school knight to watch a 4 overtime game won on a freak tip in between the Maple Leafs and Flyers.
9. NBA Playoffs, I guess I have to list this since it once had relevance.
10. National Spelling Bee on ESPN2, who doesn't love an 11 year old Chinese kid passing out at the mic after 15 minutes of deliberation over a word no one watching on TV had even heard of.

That's my list, it is right so there is no need for you to attempt to correct it!

Friday, April 4, 2008

RIP Frosty!

Breakdance accident

As you may have heard, Wayne "Frosty Freeze" Frost has passed away, and I must say thank you Frosty Freeze for inventing another way to drop kick a child onto their skull. I think breakdancing might be one of the gayest things one could possibly participate in. Through my extensive research on the webtranet I have found there to be only 2 classifications of breakdancers, or B-boys (which is short for break boys... Are you kidding me you shortened the word break to B? You cannot shorten a 1 syllable word.) Got off track sorry... Anyway the 2 classifications are Very good and extremely bad, eith or, nothing in between. The guys that are very good and can slide across a stage on their head and stuff still get unbelieveably boring after 3 seconds. Although the people who suck can be fun to watch as they slam theirselves to the ground, face first.

In other news huge Reds game toKnight, I think if the Redlegs go all the way (which we all know they will) we will look back at April 4th as the knight that started the magic. Simon and I are going to check out the newly remodeled Machine Room before the game (by the way Simon do you want to eat at the machine room). I can't wait, I don't think I've been this excited for a Reds game since I paid way too much cash to watch the Reds get molested for the FIRST time in GABP. This may be a TITanic letdown, but I am very excited about an early 2 game winning streak played against a team full of .210 hitters. So anyway I'll be there I hope you will be there too, and it's too bad it rained today bacause I was looking forward to giving somebody the shocker on their eyeball.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


I talked about this on Wac MC's, but Ed told us about the Black Macho Man Sunday Knight, and no one believed him... Until we looked it up on You Tube and then crapped our pants!

I should have waited...

So a day later it is the first clip on Youtube for the show! There it is, you're welcome.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Barney is Awesome!

I know that we were talking about this on Brian's blog, but I watched "How I Met Your Mother" last knight and almost peed my pants at the end of it. If you watched it then you know what I am talking about. The writer's had to be sitting on this idea for 2 years and finally found the right place for it, but at the end of the show Barney (Doogie Howser) sits down to create a post on his blog, as the Doogie Howser theme plays the camera zooms in on his computer screen with the flashing DOS square thingy (J knows what this is called). It even had the final lesson at the end, Lindsey just looked at me like I was a retard , which she does often, as I was laughing uncontrolably. The above clip isn't from last knight's episode, it just shows how funny Barney is!

In other news, Miami was eliminated from the Hockey tournament on Sunday Knight. I watched both games over the weekend and have no fingernails left. I'm not sure but those 2 games may have restored my interest in the game of hockey. I still don't know if I'll watch the NHL again, but I'll definitely be following the Red(Skins)hawks more closely in the years to come. I know Brian wants to buy a few games next year if we can get them, anyone else in?