Monday, September 29, 2008

Whooda thunk it?

Note to self and everyone else. If you are buyin a new house and you want to be able to watch TV the first year that you are living there, setup your DirecTV appointment more than a week before you close. This blows, I'm not gonna have TV til the 14th of F'ing October. I really can't think of anything worse than not having TV for 2 weeks. Here's the killer part, with the package I'm getting they give me NFL Sunday Ticket for free. But I miss 2 weeks where I would actually use it (away Bengals games) waiting for installation. GAY! I even called to complain about this and they just said oh well your bad. I really thought as a PERSPECTIVE customer they'd bend over backwards to get my business! They don't even have my money and this is their customer "service". When I worked at The Cooker Bar & Grill we were all aboot customer service. If the food took more then 20 minutes it was free! If ANYTHING got screwed up it was free! If you wanted one of the Asians to put rims on your car while you ate it happened! This what's wrong with this country, people who provide good customer service cannot coexist with the companies who suck at it! Why? Because it is cheaper to just treat your customers like crap! Ben Affleck had it right on the money in "Mall Rats" when he was talking to a guy who said "The customer is always right!" Affleck said "No the customer is always an asshole!" Later he said "Who's your favorite New Kid, call me Donny, call me Joey!" But that was beside the point. Oh well their tactics worked because after I cancelled my original order I called Time Warner and they could get out there before the 14th... You know the 13th! F that TWC you get NONE! of my money anymore. I really don't feel like hanging out with my wife and listening to her for 2 weeks! This is like a gigantic cherry on top of the crap sunday that was this last weekend.

So basically once once the dish is installed, punch your passport come ALL THE WAY up for football on Sundays!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Thursday??? This is new!

Last week I caught some crap for not posting videos... I'll be in Springfield tomorrow so a day early here are some videos!

In honor of real TV being back on I give you... Every "That's what she said" from the office.

You only have to watch this for 10 seconds to get the general Idea! More important than people getting catapulted, look how fast that river is running!!! Holy Crap. It's like Murph going into the meat grinder.

My new favorite American Gladiator is "Gary" he has the tittie twister!

Dog Devours Burrito in One Bite - Watch more free videos
Damn! Not as impressive as Brian Russell's dog taking down Fish's 12" BMT in 1 bite, but impressive none the least.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday Video?

I saw this while watching football yesterday. I love how Peyton does not care what he endorses as long as he can make fun of himself doing it.

My sincerest appologies for the lack of videos Friday, I was in Springfield and had too much crap going on to get to the computer. I guess I should start my sports talk by saying... "How bout dem Buckeyes eh?" Wow. I'm out of words, except for this one... Troy? Really? I know that Notre Dame sucks, I'm fine with that but guess what? They weren't supposed to contend for the title this year! Thanks God for Youngstown State or the Buckeyes could be looking at 4 bad performances to start the year. Even YSU was a bad performance (by Tressel) for leaving Beanie Wells in while they were handily winning the game. I really thought OU was a fluke, then they laid an egg in Cali, and followed up with an inspired W against TROY! Brian it might be time to start calling it a Ron Dayne jersey my friend...

Then there was the Bengals game. It was an exciting game I spent almost equal time yelling in frustration as yelling in appreciation so that was a good thing. But here is the problem... They LOST! Doesn't matter what the score was or that it went to OT, they lost! After the game I realized that I had regressed back to 2003 and was simply happy that they had a chance. I actually said that one time, "All I want is to go to a game and know that they have a chance to win!" What is wrong with me? The best part was when the game ended and Lindsey looks at me and says... "We did some good things, we just didn't win." Then as I was driving to work today I heard Marvin's press conference after the game, guess what he said? "We did some good things, we just didn't win." If my wife knows what Marvin is gonna say how does he have any credibility. Today I say for the first time ever... It is time for Marvin to go! I know we won't get anyone better and that Mikey Brown IS the problem, but he's not going away so the next logical person is Marvin. I'm just tired of him and the same old song and dance from him. I'm DONE! (with him).

Did anyone catch the closing ceremonies for Yankee Stadium last knight? Seriously I hate the Yankees, but I almost broke down when Babe Ruth's daughter threw (rolled) out the first pitch. There was so much history on the field last knight, it made me realize that we as Reds fans who think we are the most storied franchise in baseball, got nothin! Wow look down the line we have 5 banners... Great the Yankees have so many Championships they simply have 1 banner, but the number on it is 26! Dang. I still think they should have just done a couple hundred million dollars of renovations of the stadium, you can't tear that place down after 85 years! Shea? who cares tear it down and wizz on the debris, but Yankee Stadium IS baseball.

P.S. It's a boy!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


I have never been one to question those who work for our local schools and the amount of hours they work. Deep down I wish I were them and picked a vocation where I can have a day off if it snows 1/2 an inch (or sometimes in Ian's case, no snow at all). When it snows and the wifes phone rings at 5 am I just roll my eyes and wish that it were my alarm clock that she was turning off. Well yesterday I got that wish! Got the call that we had no power at the office and I had the day off. Honestly I wish I could say I made the most of the day and it was glorious, but I cannot. Here is what I did yesterday:
7:00- Got the call that we were off work. Filled the generator with gas and went back to sleep.
9:30- Got out of bed and ate some Mini Wheats.
12 noon- Topped off the generator and headed over to the new house to see how things looked.
1- Waited in line at Wendy's for 45 minutes for a bad baked potato and a Frosty Float (subpar, but still delicious)
2- Rode shotgun as my dad performed the DICKMOVE of the Century! He was that guy! He didn't wait his turn at a powerless stoplight and snuck through the intersection behind another car. No less than 73 horns blew at the same time.
3- We arrived at Lowes to purchase one of the last 3 propane tanks. I took over driving duties and had to move dad's gun off the drivers seat! That's right he's strapping up if you see him!
5- I begin doing home improvements to mom and dads house. I nail some aluminum back up and screw in some gutter. Then as I have my tools out I got suckered into hanging some art on the deck. WTF!
7- I settle down to have my grilled pork chop, it was ok. Better than spam I guess.
8- As mom and dad ventured to Krogers for more food (they were not successful) I took my first ever WHORES BATH! That's right heated up some water on the grill and squatted in the bathtub over a 5 gallon bucket of water.
10- Fill generator, Nappy time.

That was it. I really though it was gonna be more exciting than that, but it was not. Please God let our power be restored. I really can't stand not playing 8 year olds in Madden online.

Friday, September 12, 2008

It's rainin so watch some videos!

Epic Faceplant by Girl on Bike - Watch more free videos
We knew girls can't drive, now we know they can't ride bikes either!

Worst Backflip In History - Watch more free videos
This my friends may be my new favorite fail video! In my book it's right up there with dude falling off the bleachers onto his face.

Lucky Roman Candle Shot - Watch more free videos
Why did we not buy Roman Candle's for the 4th again??? We could have played "Get the Hippie!" I love how they keep shooting the Roman Candle at him after they hit dude in the mouth.

Not Smart!

My hatred for Ohio State runs deep, but the one thing that I love from OSU... I love me some Greg Oden! Maybe one of the top 5 funniest people in Portland! I think I just switched my vote to Obama!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Shoe Circus - Watch more free videos

Maybe I'm missing something here, but am I to believe that this commercial is funny? Typically when I see this commercial (all too often) I think to myself that I will never get that minute and a half back... EVER! Maybe I have no sense of humor left, but I think this may be the biggest waste of money ever by Microsoft. If they took all the money they have in this commercial and use it to make Vista worth a crap then that would be a more effective use of money. I'm not computer guy (maybe that's the problem) but Vista is retarted. If it weren't for the fact that my wife is stubborn, my next computer bould be a Mac.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Kill Me NOW!

This picture is worth much more than 1,000 words!

Ok so here you go... Post 1 of 16. WHY THE HELL DO THE BENGALS SUCK THIS BAD? I knew they were going to win no more the 8 games this year, but guess what Baltimore was one of the wins!!! That may have been the worst game since we opened up the Marvin Lewis era against the Broncos (if you were there you know what I mean). The offensive live was horrible at best and uncle Bob's play calling was moronic at best. The other thing I am sick and tired of is Carson and the WR's not being on the same page! It happens atleast 3 times per game! Chuckie Flacco is a rookie surrounded by subpar WR's and howmany times were they not on the same page? I don't recall any! Maybe Bob needs to simplify things a bit, and stop letting Carson check to a Steve Perry draw up the middle EVERY F'ING TIME! HEY CARSON, IF I KNOW YOU CHECKED TO A DRAW CHANCES ARE THE RAVENS KNOW (although they are murderers they are pretty smart).

OK I'm done with that. House update we have been informed that the new crizzibb will be completed October 2nd and we are moving in October 3rd. So if inyone wants to help me move, let me know. First let me clarify, by move I mean we are going to sit in my living room and drink beer and tell the movers where to put stuff... It should be fun. Dudes worked crazy hard last time, this time I'm making them work harder for their tip! And I'll be completely hammered!

In a completely non related story, my first wife (Lindsey) supplied me with the comment of the week. She had just been completely reamed by a crazy ass left winger for passing some right wing "propoganda" when she made the following comment... "Democrats are like Ohio State fans, they're annoying and always think they're right!" Freaking hillarious. In this case the person who she was talking about was both a Democrat and an OSU fan go figure (don't worry none of you know this person so stop wondering if it is you). I love politics mainly because people get so fired up about a guy (or hot chick in Palin's case) who is going to do nothing to solve any of the world's problems. But my favorite comment to any hardcore voter (republican OR democrat) is, "I'm only voting for (fill in the blank, I've used both Obama and McCain here) to cancel out your vote." Nothing gets a guy more fired up to have his vote and 45 hours of research cancelled out by a guy who could really care less.

Friday, September 5, 2008

RIP Don LaFontaine! You French-Canadian bastard! The world of movie previews (which you hate most of the time) will never be the same.

I've been holding onto this video for a while, but this dude has my boy Don's voice down!

Ever wonder what you get when you type "Owned" on Youtube? Oooo, La La, teenie weenie string bikini!