Darkness!!!

Wow I can't tell where the glove ends and his face begins! (That was not racist, just an observation) Hey look he's using Grant Gloves, well Dunner you know those are punchers gloves!!! (I'll be here all week).


Well the past week or so has been an interesting week in terms of health for the Callahan house and whodda thunk none of it involved the boy. It all started last Wednesday when I was helping move an elliptical machine at work and jacked up my back for the 100th time. Now this is the part where you say, “well that’s nothing new.” Correct this has become a bi-annual (that means it goes both ways) event in my life for the past 8 years or so. So of course I go home and pop a few vicatin and muscle relaxers at lunch. Then that Knight I met the Dunner and Simon for a Reds game where I had a few adult pops at Gameday beforehand. The next day I have a Dr’s. appointment where they have to do blood work (why is it when you turn 25 years old every Dr’s visit requires blood work?). I go aboot my day, and Friday morning I get a call from the Dr’s office, here’s the conversation.
Nurse: Mr. Callahan we need to talk aboot (she’s Canadian too) your blood work.
Me: OK?
Nurse: It looks like your hep levels are very high. Normal is betwaan 10 and 40, your level in 140! We need to do some more blood work (of course they do!!!) to test for Hepatitis.
Me: What Hepatitis? I’m gonna die!
Nurse: Don’t worry until we get the results back.
Me: Do you know me, have we ever met?
Nurse: Well if you come in today we can get the results Monday.
Me: I’ll be in in 15 minutes!
I immediately hang up and go on WebMd to see how long I have to live. Turns out (in my mind) not only do I DEFINITELY have The Hep, but it leads to cirrhosis and I will need a liver transplant by Christmas. I immediately added myself to the Cincinnati liver donor’s recipient list. I then start to regret that drunken weekend spent with Pam Anderson and wonder if it involved a Golden Shower or not. To say that I had a long weekend is an understatement. I had knots in my stomach the entire weekend, which by the way was topped off with a trip to the ER Saturday knight . Lindsey was having some stomach pains and she thought she needed to go to either Urgent Care or the ER. I then threw in my 2 cents, and said a line not recommended if you have a wife in excruciating pain. “You do realize that a trip to the ER costs $75 right?” Needless to say it was an eventful ride to B-North. We met her mom at the ER and dropped the kid off with her and spent the next 4 hours getting her drugged up and pain free. We found out that she has a kidney stone ready to come out, and more in her kidneys. She’ll get them blasted out of there next week, but until then there is always the possibility that the pain could return.
Monday I call the Doctor to get the results of the blood work, here is that conversation.
Nurse: I’m sorry sir those tests take a few days for results.
Me: Lady I’m dying here! I may have only minutes to live and I have to wait more?
Nurse: If you don’t hear from us by Wednesday call back.
Me: OK I will call Paul R. Young’s to set up my funeral.
She called back Wednesday and told me that the Hep levels were now normal and were probably high because of the Vicatin, and most likely enormously high because of the combined Alcohol from the knight before. Kids this is where I tell you, if the bottle says do not mix with alcohol, do not mix with alcohol!!! 2 PBR’s will lead to the worst weekend of your life! Now if you’ll excuse me I need to call Paul R. Young’s and cancel my funeral arrangements.