Back to work!

This is from Simon's favorite show Time Warp. yikes.


SNIZZAPP! Awwww Dang, nasty.


Festivus for The Restivus!


Brian Fellows Safari Planet Part 1 - For more funny movies, click here
That Bird is a LIAR!

Happy Birthday Jesus...

1984 Callahan family portrait! Notice Brian is nowhere to be found!


Like most adults Christmas has drastically changed for me over the past 4-5 years. I remember the sleepless knights leading up to Christmas and imagining opening all of the presents that Brian and had found months ago, but couldn’t remember what they looked like. I always thought of my brother’s birthday Dec. 17th as the day in which my Christmas Madness began. It was like 2 separate countdowns the first took quite a while (to get to Brian’s birthday) and the other (Brian’s birthday to Christmas) took FOREVER!!! Now it’s just different, we know about how much money the parents spend on us (way too much) and we simply ask for that amount of money in presents. We go over to their house and get all the stuff we asked for. Don’t get me wrong I greatly appreciate what we get from my parents (we’re getting a video camera this year for the love of God), but it’s just different. Maybe because my brother and I anticipated the day so much, that the fall has been so drastic. With that I give you my TOP 5 Christmas Gifts of ALL TIME!!!

5. When Brian and I were little, the parents got us golf clubs. These things were sweet. Steel shafted clubs with plastic heads, pretty heavy duty for a 5 and 7 year old. The best part about this was not the gift necessarily, but watching the (soundless) home video 20 years later. Brian and I are running around the living room hitting plastic golf balls with our clubs, and WHACK!!! Brian hits Annie (our black lab) straight in the ribs with his follow through! It looked something on the Sopranos he hit her so hard, it was beautiful.

4. Electronic Pop-a-Shot Basketball. This thing was great, my uncle Dave gave Brian and I this and we played it for hours at my grandparents house that knight! The best part was that it was one of the first pop-a-shots that just hung on the back of a door so it was easily portable. It was one of the few Christmas presents that stood the 2 month test, in that we were still playing with it more than 2 months after Christmas. Hell we were playing with it the next Christmas!

3. OG Sony Playstation. We reeeeeaaaallllllllyyyyyy wanted this, and our parents had us CONVINCED that it was not gonna happen. I had never been so sure (and bummed out) that I was NOT getting a present, but we did. I have no idea where they hid it, but we couldn’t find it so I was sure it wasn’t going to happen. When it did it made it the best gift of the year, by far.

2. Starting Lineups! One year Brian and got at least 50 (no lie) Starting Lineups for Christmas! The best part was that my parents put them ALL in a box and put on it To: Mom, From: Santa. So we are paying no attention at all as she is opening her gift (because we’re 8 years old!) and she opens it and says “that’s strange I didn’t ask for Starting Lineups?” Brian and I went nuts!

1. Super Jock Football kicker! I don’t think I need to say anymore, but this was not only the best gift I’ve ever gotten, it may be the best toy ever made! If you don’t know what a Super Jock is (where have you been) he’s basically a plastic football dude, and you slam your hand on his head and his foot kicks the ball. They give you the uprights and you try to kick field goals. It was awesome. Until I broke dude’s neck kicking a (then) world record of 21 feet! I slammed his head so hard that it forced his head into his chest, ending his career! We were on the lookout for years after this to find another one. Then Al Gore invented the internet (God bless that man and his ingenuity) and Ebay. On Ebay I purchased a replacement Super Jock (for 50 bucks) and he is still alive today!

What was your favorite gift? Merry Christmas Yall!

Feliz Navi Christmas!!!

Christmas Tree Incineration - Watch more News Videos
This is why I rock the fake prelit tree.


Large Bomb Detonated Under Lake - Watch more Entertainment
See Batman is a fraud! This is what really happens when you dump a bomb in a lake!


The Wunder Boner - Watch more Free Videos
Tell me the narrator isn't Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.


As these morons tell you... "Don't fry a turkey in your living room!" No better yet, if you are considering doing that GO AHEAD! The world could use one less moron!


Maybe the best movie scene ever!

Heil Splash Mountain!

That's better than throwin up NWO Wolfpac on Adventure Express with a German foreign exchange student the day after graduation right there.

Anyway, upon my triumphant return to the office these past 11 months i have realized many things. Among them... It's always bright and 72 degrees in my office, you can post stuff on blogs if you are at your computer all day and I need a (hot) secretary among other things. But this week I have come to realize a big thing. It's easy to get fat working in an office. The past 3 years I've forgotten how much free crap (candy) people who want your business give out around the holidays. It's ridiculous really, today alone we have gotten 3 boxes of chocolate covered pretzels (like big 4 inch wide pretzels), 2 cans of butter cookies (the good ones) and the 4 foot tall Ghiradelli (sp?) Chocolate tower (in a related story Chocolate Tower was also my nickname in college). I had the misfortune of looking at the nutritional (there are none) facts of the stuff in said tower, and I swear I gained 2 pounds reading it. Needless to say after I read it I got out a chocolate covered graham cracked and stuffed it down my pie hole (which reminds me I forgot about the Baccolavah (sp?) that someone dropped off this morning). I used to think how do people gain 10 pounds during the holidays? This was when I spent the majority of my day driving a pickup truck around Kentucky not eating a thing. Now I realize it's not just 2 days of eating, It's an entire month of gorging yourself!

I say recession schmeschmessin I saw the bill for $2,200 worth of fruit baskets my company purchased this week. That was for only 27 baskets! Then we buy a crapload of Pepperidge Farm stuff for our "second-tier" clients aka if we've bid something and we didn't get it. It's fun to me though to examine each gift and try to figure out how much it costs. I say the tower is no less than 75 bucks! But it's funny to see that the people who are sending the best stuff are the people who are DESPERATE for our work. I don't think I've seen anything from the schmucks on any of my jobs. I'll bring that up in our next meeting, they need to show me the goods to get the next job. Now if you'll excuse me something called "Ghiradelli Chocolate Drops" are callin my name!

This is how we do it.

Fat Guy Falls Flat on Face - Watch more free videos
Why are you riding around in a bakers rack again???



Chick's Kick Leads to Unexpected Ending - Watch more Free Videos
***Warning some F-Bombs in here, but it's worth it!***
As if the kick to the face wasn't bad enough, wait for the Bam Bam Biggilo Splash.



Darren where you at? I've always wondered what these things look like OUTSIDE of someone's trunk!



The Family Guy clip from last week reminded me of my favorite FG clip...EVER!



I've been looking for this for the past few weeks.

Hey Kids I'm a Computah...

Justin is laughing right now only him.

First let me say this. If you were not watching the UC game Saturday knight/Sunday morning you missed out! I've never had the range of emotions watching a sporting event that I had watching that game. As they were losing 24-10 and looking horrible with 10 minutes left in the game I was pissed! My thought was that it didn't matter if they won their BCS game or not, the entire season was going to be tainted (haha taint) by a loss to Hawaii. I was imagining all the calls to radio shows that haters were going to be making today and all the flack they were going to get. Then something great happened, your boy Brandon Underwood picked a pass and took it to the house. That I think was the first time I woke Lindsey up with a yell, 24-17. After the TD UC held Hawaii and got the ball back with decent field position I was excited. Of course they went 3 and out and punted. Let me take this chance to say that having a All-American punter should not be taken for granted. Punt downed inside the 1 yard line. First play UC stuffs the run and causes a fumble in the endzone recovered by Hawaii for a safety, 24-19. Lindsey is woken up again. First play after the safety free kick, your boy Mardy (not Marty) Gilyard takes it to the house 71 yards, 24-26. She may have been awake from the safety, but I'm gonna say that I woke her up again. It was great I felt like they accomplished alot by coming from behind (simon insert comment here) and getting the win in a game that meant nothing and they could have easily rolled over.

We also received shipment of our 1st new computer of the millennium this weekend. Whoda thunk that after me and Kevin Walters spent the first 20 minutes of the new millennium trying to become the first person to do something in the new millennium, that I would also be the LAST person to do something in the new millennium! It's pretty safe to say that everyone in the world has bought a computer since 2000 now that the Callahan house has purchased theirs. I'd like to thank J Hall for being my computer liaison (that sounds dirty) during this process and answering questions such as "is this computer crap" "what is sdram?" "will my new gay porn site be able to be run from a computer with a terrabyte of storage" and "when did they stop making Commodore's?" It was a long process J I know, but I thank you for your patience.

SSSSOOOOOOOOOO what were you doing at 3 a.m. Sunday morning?

It's been a while...

Crazy Gideon's Insane Deals! - Watch more free videos
Why did I not buy my computer from Crazy Gideon?


Massive Escalator Leap and Faceplant - Watch more free videos
He ALMOST made it.


He Shoots He Almost Scores - Watch more free videos
I wonder what the goal here was???

I Sunk YOUR Battleship.

That is how it typically works in my house. Boys play Battleship while girls do dishes! Right off the top, I'm gonna appologize for Friday's video fiasco. I should have done it when I got home from Best Buy (5:30 AM!!!), but I decided to wait and never got to it. It won't happen again (until next year day after Thanksgiving). Anyway, the wife and I have been looking to replace her computer (Gateway purchased in 1999 after she graduated). It's been a long time coming, but we finally decided to bite the bullet and Black Friday was to be the day. We found the one we liked at Best Buy so I ventured out at 4:30 on Friday morning only to be greeted by 1,000 of my closest friends at the Best Buy on Fields Ertel. Those crazy bastards beat me there! I figured I was there so I might as well go in. Once inside I was greeted by a annoyed high schooler in the computer section who informed me that they ran out of computer coupons "like, an hour ago." So I throw her a "that's cool I'll go to Dell.com" which had totally no affect on her. Oh well long story short (too late) I'll be surfin the intrawebs in style in a few weeks when the Dell arrives.

Saturday Knight was my 10 year reunion. It was a day I kind of dreaded/anticipated for a while. Lindsey informed me that I was going back in June so I really didn't have much choice. Overall I guess I would say that it was ok. I had a chance to reconnect with some people that I hadn't seen in a while Brian Merkle, Ben Willen, Tom Taylor etc. My favorite encounter was with Jason Brown, who I am sure is still high from the last time I saw him. I mean I spent alot of time with Jason in HS and when I saw him at the bar he just goes "sup man" (use you best "I'm high and drunk" voice when reading that). Is he that toasted that he doesn't even remember me? We were like best friends for a few years. Anyway they had a bunch of embarassing pictures on the tables and guess what gem I stumbled upon...

That strapping young man now rocks a pretty snazzy mustache. Steve Bragg hollah at cha boy. Is that Mandy Major he's hooking up with there? P.I.M.P. They also gave us back these cheezy surveys that we filled out at the Senior Banquet before we graduated. It was pretty boring except that under who I had a crush on I wrote... Mrs. Disbro. 10 years later it still holds true. Other than that I tried to get The Dunner drunk (unsuccessful) and LaKeisha's hair did NOT catch on fire as it did the last time I saw her.

And J I will add this part for you. I had my first experience with a Zune on Sunday while tailgating. I will give it a solie B+. After I figured out that you can browse other songs while listening to the current one by pressing the back arrow button (I had it at a D- before that) it was much better. I will say this about it and it is my same complaint about the IPod, I wanna know what song it is playin next if I have it on shuffle. When I am DJ'in Bengals tailgate I need to know what is next and so on so I don't have to run back to the IPod every song. Work on that!

Baby it's cold outside.

Trick Soccer Throw-In Destroys Kid - Watch more Sports Videos
This is what happens when you are a Deutschbag and stand infront of a guy throwing the ball in. Looks like the type of thing Simon would do to be a dick.


The Second Immaculate Reception - Watch more Free Videos
Did Terry Tate switch teams?


Terribly Painful Ramp Stunt Failure - Watch more Free Videos
Higher education at it's finest. How did I miss out on this? I went to 8 different colleges and saw this at none of them!


Frisky Dolphin Finds A Friend - Watch more Free Videos
Dolphin thrust.

And just because I mentioned him... An oldie but goodie.

you're welcome.

Balls of Steel.

The dude on the left is that of one Seth Petru-somethin. Basically he was the dude who knocked Kimbo the fuhh out! This was his Halloween Costume. Dang! Two major points come to mind here. 1) Dude has the biggest balls of anyone on the planet! He basically threw a hail mary and scored a touchdown. It was like a bum winning the lottery and he should remember that. If he ever fights again (he shouldn't) he'll lose. Even more if Kimbo sees this picture no doubt some street justice will ensue. 2) No matter how much of a BAMF you are (or think you are) it is never the time to go Black Face for Halloween! EVER. Sure he knocked out Kimbo, but it's only gonna take a few dudes to put him in a body bag.

Lastly as I was flippin through channels last knight I stubmled upon the imfamous "Snakes on a Plane" just in time to see some dude get "dick-bitten" by a cottonmouth. So naturally I found the next showing and DVR'ed it (much easier than Ti-Vo'ing something, and I didn't have to sell my soul to do so). My question is this, should I watch Snakes on a Plane? I mean I think I probably saw the best 3 seconds of the movie and it can only go downhill from there right? When I filpped back 20 minutes later there were like 300 snakes everywhere and Sam Jackson was giving them all the shocker, that just seemed unrealistic. I mean come on 10 snakes I can believe, but 500 is non-fiction. I thought it was based on actual events. Like in Deep Blus Sea when Sam L. gets snatched off the dock by a flying shark.




Not as good as this though!

Hate when I put my videos on the wrong blog!

Brian asked for a snake handling video. Here I give you two great things. Snake handling and... BILLY RAY CYRUS! This is a crazy long video, but it was the only one I could find with BRC in it.


Here are some crazy-a$$ pentecostals. If you wanna crap your pants skip ahead to the 1:30 mark and watch what the chick in the blue sweater does. Kind of reminds me of YL club with Rainman flopping all over the floor.


Awful Nutshot Prank With Shovel - Watch more Free Videos
I know how much Simon loves slow motion... But how about fast motion?


This is a segment from my favorite new show Chocolate News. If you're not watching Choclate News, you're missing out.

Yeeeehhhhaaaawwww... Jester's Dead!

Let me tell you what I love about having a crapload of channels to surf. Last knight as my wife was watching the Country Music Awards (don't ask) I was surfing the channel guide and what did I find? Top friggin Gun! Now here is the best part about finding a great movie like Top Gun (by the way it was on Starz so it was shown in original format not on TBS), it completely takes you by suprise! I have this movie in my collection, but I never sit down to watch it because I never think about it. But when you are channel surfing and you stumble upon it (and nothing else is on) it's kind of like winning the lottery (well winning 10 bucks in a scratch off, but you get my point). Point is it took me back to my childhood, I cranked up the music for all my favorite tunes and watched the volleyball scene 3 times, which for my money is the best homoeroctic scene in movie history!
This brings me to another topic. Soundtracks, what ever happened to them? Remember the classics like Rocky, Top Gun... Cool Runnings. I remember watching a movie and thinking to myself dang I need to go straight from here (super saver cinema) to Sam Goody and buy that soundtrack because it was awesome! I know that they still put some soundtracks out (High School Musical) but no one cares about them anymore. The last movie that I wanted to purchase the soundtrack for was Talladega (K)Nights and I couldn't find it anywhere. By the time I saw it in the store I was kinf od less pumped about it and decided to download the songs I liked on itunes.


What was the last Soundtrack you bought/just had to have?

Yeah yeah kill some time.

Stanford Student Flips Out After Leveling - Watch more Free Videos
This is how one celebrates reaching Level 60 in World of Warcraft? I know how he DIDN'T celebrate. Hint it rhymes with SEX!


Brutal San Shou Knockout - Watch more Sports Videos
Lights out SON!


Come On Down! - Watch more Entertainment
Ahhh the old flying teabag! Waaaiiittt for it.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Maybe one of the most impressive talents ever. But can he handle... DAS BOOT!

Tuesday Videos!

These are some poorly shot videos with my camdamera from Notre Dame. Not the best quality, but you get the idea!


Notre Dame Fight Song!


Playin Pipers!

Wake up the echos!

I know I know my Irish lost on my only visit to South Bend, but hey I really wasn’t expecting a victory when I bought the tickets. I’ll tell you what I was expecting (and received) was one of the greatest and most memorable days of my life. I don’t think I have ever been surrounded my so much history in my life. I know that I am a ND honk so I may be a little biased, but it was awesome. If you like football and the history of it you owe it to yourself to visit South Bend on game day. I lost track of how many times I got chills upon seeing something.

We left at 6:00 in the a.m. and the drive was not as bad as I thought. We basically got on a 4 lane highway (31) that serves only one purpose, going from Indy to South Bend. It was like a mass exodus. Everyone that I was driving along side was also going to the game, it was like I was part of something big. So we arrive at 10:15 (game time is 2:30) and thought we were gonna have to kill a lot of time. I parked in some dudes back yard for 20 bucks and our first stop on the tour (obviously) was the library! If you don’t know your ND history the library is the spot of the infamous Touchdown Jesus! (chills #1). We kind of mulled around there for a few minutes and snapped some photos and headed for our next stop, the golden dome (which is referred to as the general building, bad name for a great building). We took more pictures, toured the dome and then watched the ND bagpipe band (there was a piper down!) Then I rubbed a nose (it’s good luck) at the Rockne Memorial. After that it was time to stand there and watch as young strapping boys in suits walked from church to their football game. I got a good picture of Jimmy, and Lindsey replied that “those were some good lookin white boys.” We went from there to the bookstore where surprisingly enough my wife allowed me to go nuts and buy some stuff. We then ate lunch in the basement of the Law Building and headed for the game!

I must be honest I thought I was gonna have a moment like in Rudy when his dad breaks down as he enters the stadium. It was an amazing sight that I have dreamt about for many years, but I managed to keep it together. Our seats (6” x 20” piece of wood to sit on) were 22 rows from the field on the south goal line. One problem, we were sitting directly behind the Pitt band in the Pitt section. Lindsey sat behind the most neurotic lady I have ever met, it was comical. The game itself was exciting. I really thought they had a chance, then Charlie got his hands on the offense late in the game. In the first OT ND had the ball on the Pitt 3 yard line on first down. All they had to do was get 3 yards and they would win (Pitt already kicked a fg). So naturally I get out the camera to catch the winning TD live. To no avail we run 3 horrible plays and take the field goal. I wasn’t surprised by the outcome, but I was very disappointed in the coaching effort from my boy Charlie. Man that was horrible coaching. I heard Tyrone will be available at the end of the year! Maybe we can have a Tyrone reunion.

Pictures and video will be up once I figure out how to link them and post on YouTube!

Go Irish!

Rays Fan Takes Bottle to the Head - Watch more free videos
This is why Philly needs to NEVER win another Championship.


Terrible Treadmill Fail by Fat Kid - Watch more free videos
FACE!


Proof yet again of how much better stuff is in slow motion.


It seems like we all enjoyed Unnecessary Censorship last time, so now I give you the Best of Unnecessary Censorship!

If I had a gun, I'd be dead!

This may be the most grim weekend of sports for the tristate area in recent past. Saturday was a complete debacle starting with UC getting stomped by UConn. If you're a UK fan it didn't get much better (well worse actually), and Saturday knight was wrapped up with maybe the worst college football game of all time (OSU vs. Penn State). Let me just take this opportunity that my yearly endorsement has gone to Penn State. This ensures a few things (mainly that they will not win a game for the rest of the year) for the Lions, but my main priority is sending Joe Pa out (hopefully) with a National Championship. Dude deserves it, he's like 105 years old and is the lowest paid major college football coach in the nation. Then on to Sunday, I'm not gonna spend much time here other than to say that if you are a Bengals fan your weekend got worse!
The hilight of my Sunday was watching the Red Zone Channel on the Sunday Ticket for 4 hours of goodness! That may be my favoritest channel ever! If you wanna watch endless (sometimes too much to follow) action WITHOUT COMMERCIALS then this is your channel. this channel alone makes me wish I didn't have Bengals tickets. Open invitation to anyone (both of you) reading this, if you want your life changed come and watch the Red Zone Channel during the 1 o'clock games.
My final thing is kind of a poll question. In fact I will make it a poll question. With myself and the wife going to the Notre Dame - Pitt game this weekend is it ok for me to wear my Brady Quinn jersey to the game? My first point is that it does meet my first requirement for wearing a jersey in that it is authentic. If you know me then you know I'm not "UnAuthentic Jersey Guy!" Second he is kind of a recent legend at ND, it's not like I have a Rick Meirer jersey from when I was 12 that I want to wear! Brady Quinn was their last superstar. But it does violate the do not wear a jersey of someone who doesn't play for you team anymore rule that I like to live by. That is more aof an NFL rule, does it apply to NCAA?

Friday (not so great day for videos)

Might not be safe for your work... Totally acceptable at mine though!


The Gooch showed me this 5 second movie (even though it is more than 5 seconds) still great!


I hate when I go to jump in a big cake and find out that it is a stage cake and almost knock myself out! That's what she get for kissing a girl and liking it. This chick might be a close second on the talentless singer chart right behind our girl Amy.

Cupid packs a mean punch!

Let me tell you why DirecTV may just be the devil as much as Time Warner. As I am driving home Sunday afternoon from another colossal waste of $77 I was dreaming of how I could spend the rest of my afternoon watching real football... ANY GAME I WANTED! So I get home and flip on my TV to channel 7 hundred something and what do ya know, no NFL Sunday Ticket! So naturally I call DirecTV and after 20 minutes or so I have my games. NOT IN HD! So I say to her, the HD channels are not coming in. "Well sir you have to UPGRADE your package to get all the games in HD." Then she tells me that doing so will cost me (get ready for it) ONE HUNDRED DAMN DOLLARS!!! Are you kidding me? I immediately tell the lady noo way in hell is the wife gonna authorize that purchase, and she says, "Hold on let me see what I can do" (classic tv company trick). 30 seconds later hey whatta ya know I'll give it to you for free! That right thurr is some bullsh! She was gonna charge me a hundo for something she knew she was gonna give me for free! That's like when I used to be a manwhore, if I said hey it's gonna cost you an extra 35 cents for me to suck your toes, and when they said no I did it for free anyway! I never charged for toe sucking, it was always part of the package!

As I was reading the (online) paper today I read about this old chick in Blue Ash who had a football thrown in her yard and the old blue hair kept it! The kids' dad called the cops and the old lady got cuffed and stuffed and thrown in the pokey for a few hours. I'm sure you have already heard this story, but the crazy part to me is that people are actually backing this old lady! What harm is it to go in your neighbor's back yard and get your ball if it goes over the fence? Maybe this is just me having grown up in PRF where all WAS wonderful and neighbors were all friendly (and all our parents were hooking up with eachother behind our backs), but who is the victim here? How is this affecting the old lady at all? If my neighbors kept every ball that Brian or I threw over the fence when we were little there would be no room in their garage for a car. This lady was on the radio and made it seem like she was soooo inconvenienced by this. How does this bother you at all? They throw the ball over, they open your fence door and get their ball, end of story. Quit being a crotchety old blue hair and give the damn kids their ball back. This is why nursing homes and Dr. Kevorkian exist! One or the other NEEDS to happen.

22 Minutes Early!

This is kind of like Cliff's Notes for movies, only better.



Who knew Tom Green was even still alive??? For real dude is str8 flowin though! X to tha Z was impressed.



Big Chick Falls Off Table - Watch more free videos
Like we all don't know what's about to happen when some chick is singing on top of a table. Doesn't make it any less funny!



Kayaker Rides Down Staircase - Watch more free videos
This is how JHall and Darwin do it right here! Too bad dude didn't land on his face at the bottom.

Dish Me Baby!

I knew IT!

Today is a glorious day in the Callahan household. As my previous post stated Oct. 14th is the day in which the Dish gets installed!!! I have just heard from the installer and it is going to happen so as of this second I am giving Time warner Cable (and their superior high speed internet, Sorry J) the middle finger. They officially get no money from the Callahan's in their new home! Now finally I can go back to ignoring my wife's comments and enjoying glorious television! Problem is I still have to watch my programs (as my grandma would say) that I taped from last knight on the antenna. Great, all this tochnology and I'm still usin rabbit ears.

Why did I have to tape my programs last knight you ask? Oh that would be because we were busy RETURNING the greatest chair ever assembled!!! My chair, my beloved chair (I fall quickly as you can see) IS THE WRONG STINKIN COLOR! Granted this is all our (my) fault, but see it kind of doesn't match anything else in our family room. When I pushed for the brown (poop) colored chair, I forgot that the rest of the room is red couches and black wood. (I know black wood funny huh huh). So we went back to La-z-Boy and of course they do not have black in that chair... in stock. But you sir can wait an additional 6-8 weeks for us to make that chair in black... FOR AN EXTRA 200 BUCKS!!! I better die in this chair! We have now spent the same amount on my chair as we did the rest fot the sofa's in that room. Keep in mind, I love this chair. It's worth the cash.

P.S. what should I watch first on my dish? I'm kind of leaning towards going to pay per view and reading the adult film titles like we did at the farm! "Fill'er Up"

Turd Sandwich.

First let me say that this picture my friends is why you attend marathons. This and of course bloody nipples and people squatting on the side of the road. Let's start with Saturday. Saturday was a good day for me. Picked up the new La-Z-Boy in the morning and went to the UC-Rutgers (I mean Ruggers) game in the afternoon. Let me start by saying that I LOVE Brian Kelly, but that man needs to be shot for one reason alone. His slogan of come early, be loud, wear BLACK! Are you kidding me? It's friggin 98 degrees (and rising(that's right boy band sidebar)). For early season games we should be able to wear red or white not black. Lindsey's poor 88 year old grandpa was str8 blacked out head to toe. Black polyester pants, black collared shit=rt, all black (Deveroe's) Reds hat complete with black C! I thought he was gonna have a heat stroke! I didn't know it was possible to get sunburned in the middle of October, but it happened.
I got back in time to see my beloved Irish give the game away to UNC and then took a 1 hour nap in my new chair (not to be confused with the 1 hour nap in the chair on Sunday!) I guess my next question is this... When did North Carolina ***Editor's Note*** "Roy Williams still does not give a S^*T about North Carolina!*** become good at football. I'm not gonna lie I had this penciled in as a W back when I thought Notre Dame was only gonna win 3 games this year.
That brings us to Sunday, glorious Sunday. I am still investing 3 hours (next week 12 hours) in Bengals games every week. It's sad I know, but I have atleast gotten to the point where I just watch the games emotionless, trust me this is a big step for me. Three years ago I lived and died with every snap, I've broken countless remotes watching games as well. Now I just yawn when the other team scores and I take a nap in the 3rd quarter. Moving the sprinklers around the yard yesterday was more exciting to me than the game! Then we went to go see my sons future best friend (possibly brother) last knight. Tyler Dennis The Gooch Brad Jr. Buehler was born Saturday knight fyi. Congrats Gooch family. It was funny how Lindsey suddenly realized that we would be going through this in like 5 months! I guess it hadn't really sunk in yet, but I'm gonna be covered in woman goo in March! YUK!

Friday Videos RETURN!!!

How Not To Break A World Record - Watch more free videos
Someone call Guiness! This dude is TRYING! to break the record for karate chopping coconuts in half. Not so much.


Football Nails Kid in the Head - Watch more free videos
Keep your eye on the kids trying to catch the ball after it goes through the uprights.



Rachael Ray Corn Porn - Watch more free videos
Brian this is for you, It gets hillarious at about the 1:05 mark!



Unicycle Moron Crashes Hard on Deck - Watch more free videos
You sir would not make the Welch Widers traveling team... There will be no Miami basketball game and Axel F for you!

H Yeah Dickberg!

So moving day was very much not a fiasco at all thanks to great movers! Dudes showed up at 8:15 loaded up from storage and headed to the new crib. For real they were gone by 12:00! $489 later I was a very happy boy! The only problem was that at 12:00 Friday there was just a bunch of boxes and stuff in the rooms of my house and it all still needed to be unpacked. Needless to say the past 4 days have been spent unpacking and putting up blinds and running downspout lines away from the house and all the other fun stuff that comes with owning a home. Here is the other revelation that we had. We don't own jack! All our worldly posessions fill the new house approximately 15-20% The kitchen is almost comical, our old kitchen was stuffed to the gills with our stuff. Now about 1/2 is filled, not to mention a pantyr that will never be able to be filled. The point of my story is this... I'm buying stuff! If you have anything that I can buy from you, then I am interested! I don't care how tacky it looks, how old it is or the fact that it smells like an old man took a Metamucil dump in it 25 years ago and left it to rot, I'm buying it from you if it will fill my house.

My favorite purchase that I will get to make in this new house is a dad chair! I've wanted a big rocker/recliner for a few years now and we finally have a room in which it will fit. I get a little misty eyed thinking of all the sporting events that we will share together and I don't even have it yet. I like Brian's but I don't know if I wanna do leather or that fake suede stuff. I love that Brian's chair has heat, massage and the best thing a cupholder! Who doesn't need a cupholder in their chair? (besides those people who have a table right next to the chair of course) I guess if Lindsey gets to buy dining room furniture and living room furniture than she will have NO input on my dad chair!

So to answer the 2 people who have asked me how the new house is... It's great. We are enjoying not being pissed all the time due to lack of personal space and a change of scenery. The most exciting part is that for the first time we are living in a house where we can see raising a family, and that my friends is a good thing.

Thursday Again?

OK so there is no chance of you getting videos tomorrow soooo...


I saw this Saturday knight on a hilight show and replayed it no less then 10 times. Might be the best catch I've ever seen!


Failed BMX Backflip Faceplant - Watch more free videos
Ouch!


Will He Fit? - Watch more free videos
I think I owe the Dunner a large sum of money for a similar pool stunt!


Japanese Dude Smashes Florescent Bulbs - Watch more free videos
WTF? Dude needs to go to the cancer ward pronto! There's all kinds of crap in that bulb. Kind of reminds you of Staples right Simon?

Damn Clowns!

Well my friends today is the day! My wife and I will forgo our freedoms as non-HOMOwners and become what I like to refer as “poor bastards” once again! After today at 4:00 in the PM we will again be indebted to The Man! Today is the day we roll up outta mom and dad’s house and back into freedom!!! Not that we have been in jail the last 5 months, but at the age of 28 it is hard to live with momz and pops after a few years of not doing so. It’s just that we have had a lack of personal space for the past few months (for real half our clothes are folded on the floor since we don’t have enough storage). I give them crap all the time, but really and truly I don’t know that I can ever thank my parents enough for letting us crash with them the past few months. It has been a great chance for us to save some cash before moving into the house.

We are pretty fired up about the new digs though. I think it is going to feel weird to be in this house that we have been visiting for the past few months. Truth be told it has never really felt like our new home this entire time. Maybe because I have seen so many houses built over the past 4 years that it kind of feels like just another job. I’m sure that will all change toknight when we walk through the doors with our keys and put some crap in the closets. So consider this your invitation. If you're bored this weekend and wanna come up and unpack a box (not really)consider yourself invited. It's not really as far as my brother or Simon (keep in mind Simon lives in Colerain) would have you believe.

Whooda thunk it?

Note to self and everyone else. If you are buyin a new house and you want to be able to watch TV the first year that you are living there, setup your DirecTV appointment more than a week before you close. This blows, I'm not gonna have TV til the 14th of F'ing October. I really can't think of anything worse than not having TV for 2 weeks. Here's the killer part, with the package I'm getting they give me NFL Sunday Ticket for free. But I miss 2 weeks where I would actually use it (away Bengals games) waiting for installation. GAY! I even called to complain about this and they just said oh well your bad. I really thought as a PERSPECTIVE customer they'd bend over backwards to get my business! They don't even have my money and this is their customer "service". When I worked at The Cooker Bar & Grill we were all aboot customer service. If the food took more then 20 minutes it was free! If ANYTHING got screwed up it was free! If you wanted one of the Asians to put rims on your car while you ate it happened! This what's wrong with this country, people who provide good customer service cannot coexist with the companies who suck at it! Why? Because it is cheaper to just treat your customers like crap! Ben Affleck had it right on the money in "Mall Rats" when he was talking to a guy who said "The customer is always right!" Affleck said "No the customer is always an asshole!" Later he said "Who's your favorite New Kid, call me Donny, call me Joey!" But that was beside the point. Oh well their tactics worked because after I cancelled my original order I called Time Warner and they could get out there before the 14th... You know the 13th! F that TWC you get NONE! of my money anymore. I really don't feel like hanging out with my wife and listening to her for 2 weeks! This is like a gigantic cherry on top of the crap sunday that was this last weekend.

So basically once once the dish is installed, punch your passport come ALL THE WAY up for football on Sundays!

Thursday??? This is new!

Last week I caught some crap for not posting videos... I'll be in Springfield tomorrow so a day early here are some videos!


In honor of real TV being back on I give you... Every "That's what she said" from the office.


You only have to watch this for 10 seconds to get the general Idea! More important than people getting catapulted, look how fast that river is running!!! Holy Crap. It's like Murph going into the meat grinder.


My new favorite American Gladiator is "Gary" he has the tittie twister!


Dog Devours Burrito in One Bite - Watch more free videos
Damn! Not as impressive as Brian Russell's dog taking down Fish's 12" BMT in 1 bite, but impressive none the least.

Monday Video?

I saw this while watching football yesterday. I love how Peyton does not care what he endorses as long as he can make fun of himself doing it.

My sincerest appologies for the lack of videos Friday, I was in Springfield and had too much crap going on to get to the computer. I guess I should start my sports talk by saying... "How bout dem Buckeyes eh?" Wow. I'm out of words, except for this one... Troy? Really? I know that Notre Dame sucks, I'm fine with that but guess what? They weren't supposed to contend for the title this year! Thanks God for Youngstown State or the Buckeyes could be looking at 4 bad performances to start the year. Even YSU was a bad performance (by Tressel) for leaving Beanie Wells in while they were handily winning the game. I really thought OU was a fluke, then they laid an egg in Cali, and followed up with an inspired W against TROY! Brian it might be time to start calling it a Ron Dayne jersey my friend...

Then there was the Bengals game. It was an exciting game I spent almost equal time yelling in frustration as yelling in appreciation so that was a good thing. But here is the problem... They LOST! Doesn't matter what the score was or that it went to OT, they lost! After the game I realized that I had regressed back to 2003 and was simply happy that they had a chance. I actually said that one time, "All I want is to go to a game and know that they have a chance to win!" What is wrong with me? The best part was when the game ended and Lindsey looks at me and says... "We did some good things, we just didn't win." Then as I was driving to work today I heard Marvin's press conference after the game, guess what he said? "We did some good things, we just didn't win." If my wife knows what Marvin is gonna say how does he have any credibility. Today I say for the first time ever... It is time for Marvin to go! I know we won't get anyone better and that Mikey Brown IS the problem, but he's not going away so the next logical person is Marvin. I'm just tired of him and the same old song and dance from him. I'm DONE! (with him).

Did anyone catch the closing ceremonies for Yankee Stadium last knight? Seriously I hate the Yankees, but I almost broke down when Babe Ruth's daughter threw (rolled) out the first pitch. There was so much history on the field last knight, it made me realize that we as Reds fans who think we are the most storied franchise in baseball, got nothin! Wow look down the line we have 5 banners... Great the Yankees have so many Championships they simply have 1 banner, but the number on it is 26! Dang. I still think they should have just done a couple hundred million dollars of renovations of the stadium, you can't tear that place down after 85 years! Shea? who cares tear it down and wizz on the debris, but Yankee Stadium IS baseball.

P.S. It's a boy!

SNOW DAY!!!

I have never been one to question those who work for our local schools and the amount of hours they work. Deep down I wish I were them and picked a vocation where I can have a day off if it snows 1/2 an inch (or sometimes in Ian's case, no snow at all). When it snows and the wifes phone rings at 5 am I just roll my eyes and wish that it were my alarm clock that she was turning off. Well yesterday I got that wish! Got the call that we had no power at the office and I had the day off. Honestly I wish I could say I made the most of the day and it was glorious, but I cannot. Here is what I did yesterday:
7:00- Got the call that we were off work. Filled the generator with gas and went back to sleep.
9:30- Got out of bed and ate some Mini Wheats.
12 noon- Topped off the generator and headed over to the new house to see how things looked.
1- Waited in line at Wendy's for 45 minutes for a bad baked potato and a Frosty Float (subpar, but still delicious)
2- Rode shotgun as my dad performed the DICKMOVE of the Century! He was that guy! He didn't wait his turn at a powerless stoplight and snuck through the intersection behind another car. No less than 73 horns blew at the same time.
3- We arrived at Lowes to purchase one of the last 3 propane tanks. I took over driving duties and had to move dad's gun off the drivers seat! That's right he's strapping up if you see him!
5- I begin doing home improvements to mom and dads house. I nail some aluminum back up and screw in some gutter. Then as I have my tools out I got suckered into hanging some art on the deck. WTF!
7- I settle down to have my grilled pork chop, it was ok. Better than spam I guess.
8- As mom and dad ventured to Krogers for more food (they were not successful) I took my first ever WHORES BATH! That's right heated up some water on the grill and squatted in the bathtub over a 5 gallon bucket of water.
10- Fill generator, Nappy time.

That was it. I really though it was gonna be more exciting than that, but it was not. Please God let our power be restored. I really can't stand not playing 8 year olds in Madden online.

It's rainin so watch some videos!

Epic Faceplant by Girl on Bike - Watch more free videos
We knew girls can't drive, now we know they can't ride bikes either!


Worst Backflip In History - Watch more free videos
This my friends may be my new favorite fail video! In my book it's right up there with dude falling off the bleachers onto his face.


Lucky Roman Candle Shot - Watch more free videos
Why did we not buy Roman Candle's for the 4th again??? We could have played "Get the Hippie!" I love how they keep shooting the Roman Candle at him after they hit dude in the mouth.


Not Smart!


My hatred for Ohio State runs deep, but the one thing that I love from OSU... I love me some Greg Oden! Maybe one of the top 5 funniest people in Portland! I think I just switched my vote to Obama!

Funny???

Shoe Circus - Watch more free videos

Maybe I'm missing something here, but am I to believe that this commercial is funny? Typically when I see this commercial (all too often) I think to myself that I will never get that minute and a half back... EVER! Maybe I have no sense of humor left, but I think this may be the biggest waste of money ever by Microsoft. If they took all the money they have in this commercial and use it to make Vista worth a crap then that would be a more effective use of money. I'm not computer guy (maybe that's the problem) but Vista is retarted. If it weren't for the fact that my wife is stubborn, my next computer bould be a Mac.

Kill Me NOW!

This picture is worth much more than 1,000 words!


Ok so here you go... Post 1 of 16. WHY THE HELL DO THE BENGALS SUCK THIS BAD? I knew they were going to win no more the 8 games this year, but guess what Baltimore was one of the wins!!! That may have been the worst game since we opened up the Marvin Lewis era against the Broncos (if you were there you know what I mean). The offensive live was horrible at best and uncle Bob's play calling was moronic at best. The other thing I am sick and tired of is Carson and the WR's not being on the same page! It happens atleast 3 times per game! Chuckie Flacco is a rookie surrounded by subpar WR's and howmany times were they not on the same page? I don't recall any! Maybe Bob needs to simplify things a bit, and stop letting Carson check to a Steve Perry draw up the middle EVERY F'ING TIME! HEY CARSON, IF I KNOW YOU CHECKED TO A DRAW CHANCES ARE THE RAVENS KNOW (although they are murderers they are pretty smart).

OK I'm done with that. House update we have been informed that the new crizzibb will be completed October 2nd and we are moving in October 3rd. So if inyone wants to help me move, let me know. First let me clarify, by move I mean we are going to sit in my living room and drink beer and tell the movers where to put stuff... It should be fun. Dudes worked crazy hard last time, this time I'm making them work harder for their tip! And I'll be completely hammered!

In a completely non related story, my first wife (Lindsey) supplied me with the comment of the week. She had just been completely reamed by a crazy ass left winger for passing some right wing "propoganda" when she made the following comment... "Democrats are like Ohio State fans, they're annoying and always think they're right!" Freaking hillarious. In this case the person who she was talking about was both a Democrat and an OSU fan go figure (don't worry none of you know this person so stop wondering if it is you). I love politics mainly because people get so fired up about a guy (or hot chick in Palin's case) who is going to do nothing to solve any of the world's problems. But my favorite comment to any hardcore voter (republican OR democrat) is, "I'm only voting for (fill in the blank, I've used both Obama and McCain here) to cancel out your vote." Nothing gets a guy more fired up to have his vote and 45 hours of research cancelled out by a guy who could really care less.

RIP Don LaFontaine! You French-Canadian bastard! The world of movie previews (which you hate most of the time) will never be the same.


I've been holding onto this video for a while, but this dude has my boy Don's voice down!


Ever wonder what you get when you type "Owned" on Youtube? Oooo, La La, teenie weenie string bikini!

You know ho we do.

As Justin would say... PWNED!


Alicia Sacramone Knocks Dude Out - Watch more free videos
This video was requested by The Dunner. You might not know this, but you can request videos for this segment.


What did Tiki just call her? Pay attention at 31 seconds. Also requested by the Dunner! I don't know if you caught any of Tiki and this chick during the Olympics, but if you did then you agree with me... There's no way these 2 weren't nailing eachother.

I Love MO!

This is why I love Mo Egger! I get so much crap for him being my hero and all but he is hillarious! Below you will see a picture, below that you will see his only comments to that picture.




Top Row (L-R): Yup, nope, nope, nope, nope, yup, nope, yup
Middle Row (L-R): Yup, yup, nope, nope, nope, yup, yup, yup
Front Row (L-R): Yup, yup, yup, yup, nope, yup, nope, nope


SPECTACULAR!

Movie Madness > Pregnancy!

They only showed Phelps on NBC, not the guy that he beat.



Dang!


I always wondered what that would be like.


How Not To Do A Backflip - Watch more free videos
Spectacular.

"Look at the size of that kids head!"

Ladies and Gentleman let me be the first to let you know... I HAVE PROCREATED! I'll have many of these in the coming months, but my first question is, how come the head is ginormous and the rest of the body isn't? With a melon like that I'm glad I'm not pushin that thing out! For real though, we are super siked about our new addition to the Callahan family, now the countdown is on to when we find out that it is a boy. If you are wondering (you're not if you're a guy) Lindsey is about 12 weeks pregnant and just had this ultrasound done today. Now I will give you my do's and don't's (how do you spell donts?) of pregnancy doctors visits!

DON'T make eye contact with the Dr. when they're you know... down yonder.
DO stock up on rubber gloves typically located under the exam table (my dad taught me that a long time ago, they come in handy for many around the house chores).
DON'T yell "been there" right before the Dr. goes under the hood.
DON'T look at the ultrasound probe thingy and ask "wow with the size of that thing, why isn't it black?"
DON't read ANY magazines in the waiting room, they will all just gross you out!
Do take all the free samples that you can get your grubby hands on. Even if they are for chicks, if you crush up ANY pill and snort it, it's gonna be awesome (kids don't snort anything).
DON't say a word. You input at these visits is ABSOLUTELY UNWANTED and UNNEEDED!
and finally...
DON'T take your pants off and sit on the examination table with your feet in the stirr-ups. The Dr. doesn't like it and your wife will punch you (I'll show you the bruise).

That is my list I'm sure that my wife is mad at me, but hey she knows it's all in fun and how pumped I am to be a daddy.

Poll Question: Should I find out the sex of the baby? This is more of a trivia question than poll question since there is an obvious answer.

Pourin' one out for my dead NASCAR homies!

I don't even like NASECAR but that picture is AWESOME! He was either pourin one out for "The Intimidator" or Bernie Mac... You decide (hint, the answer is the guy who's not black!) Let me tell you how glad I was to blow 140 bucks on a Bengals game last Knight! Luckily I traded my Saints ticket for a second Lions ticket and I only have to endure 1 preseason game this year, but it was awful. We headed down to the Bengals Proshop at halftime and decided to not go back up to the seats and just go home. Lindsey was, dare I say it... uninterested. But atleast she can no longer say that she has never been to a game! The fact that I am forced to pay regular price ($70 per game) for preseason, to me is mind boggling. I'd never pay 20 bucks to watch a spring training game (even though we paid 45 to watch a Yankees-Reds game, but that was different.) I wouldn't say that I am terrified for the Bengals season (mostly because I think they are a .500 team), but they don't look good. If it wasn't for Carson's spectacular TD drive (against the Packer's back-ups) last week, the first team would be scoreless! I just honestly don't see them winning more than 8 games this year, sorry but that is my prediction. I think I just have this terrible sickness which remains nameless, that makes it impossible for me to not like the Bengals. I wish this could be cured I really do. I remember "switching" over to the Packers during the Majowski era. That lasted a year or so and I was back. Then I wanted to root for the Colts, but that lasted 3 weeks. I dunno maybe I should jump on the Patriots bandwagon like The Gooch did, we'll see.

What do you think the Bengals will do this year? 18-1 and lose the $uper Bowel?

Slow Motion For Me.

Kid Misses Dunk Slams Head Instead - Watch more free videos
I know how Simon loves the slow motion!


Hot Reporter Completely Owned by Zorb - Watch more free videos
She deserved it for trying to talk like a G.


Cheerleaders Face Destroyed By Soccer Ball - Watch more free videos
Einen Cheerleaderen! Slow motion German sounds even more satanic.


Polar Bear Doesnt Need to Flush - Watch more free videos
I'm going to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo... Toknight!

"My what sunken eyes you have..."

So as I was watching the Olympics toknight I saw this chick from Australia and only one thing came to mind. Have you ever seen "Band of Brothers"? They stumble along a concentration camp and all of the prisoners in there look like... THAT CHICK! Sad part is this picture does no justice to how horrible she looks. She was at the blocks eyes all sunken in and black. And the swim cap doesn't help either. That is all, I'm goin to bed now.

Got It Son!

Welp I just got back from Wally World where I purchased my copy of Madden 09'. Full report to come tomorrow. I have already warned all parties at the ranch that I will be completely worthless (compared to normal days) toknight! It's Madden from the time I get home til the time I leave for softball. Every year I contemplate skipping softball to play Madden and every year I wuss out. Maybe it's because (formerly) Kirsch's Automotive is in the middle of a dare I say it... PENNANT ($2plaque) CHASE!!! We went from last season (completely defeated except once) to undefeated (oh yeah we dropped down a league). Kirsch's Auto, ala Kenyon Martin is a classic "tweener." We're just too damn sexy to play in the middle league and not good enough in the field to play in the upper.

In other sports news, There you go Reds fans quit cryin, you got your way (me included). This is why I love Cincinnati, on the radio all I have heard since 2006 is people cryin about how they need to get rid of Dunn and Jr. and start over. Guess what it happened and all you hear is people cryin about how they got rid of Dunn and Griffey (for nothing). Kwestion... What was The Jock gonna get for Dunn or Griffey? Yes Jr. is a first ballot HOF'er (haha F'er) but dude is over the hill and in the last year of his contract. The Sox aren't gonna give us their entire farm system for 2 months of Jr. We're lucky we got a middle of the road MLB reliever. And Dunn? Thanks for shoppin D-Bags I mean Backs, let me know how that works for you. Atleast Arizona fans will get to experience the joy of playing the Dunner "Home Run or K Game." I know I know "we could of gotten draft picks at the end of the year (imagine that in your whiny voice)." Clearly The Jock didn't see us doing any better with those draft picks than a 24 year old just off Tommy Johns and some names to be named later. Look Walt hasn't burned me yet so I still trust him. Plus he has that shiny diamond encrusted thing on his finger that tells me he knows what he's doing!

Finally Michael Stinkin Phelps! Why am I watching the Olympics so much? Him. dude is ridiculous, there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said about what he's done so far. My expert analysis of his form (if you didn't know it I took 2nd place in the 200 IM at The Rolling Hills Invitational in 1987) he's gooder than everybody else! Also I swam 40 laps (at the PRF pool so actually 4 laps at a real pool) in the swim-a-thon that year. For real there is a picture of me in a Speedo somewhere in my parents house. I'll find it. What was I talking aboout? Oh yeah Phelps WATCH HIM!!! If you aren't then you are missing out on something special period! (exclamation point)

Are you watching the Olympics? What is your favorite part?

Daddy loves you...

In honor of the Olympics, I bring you some guy that shouldn't have even made the trip! The video is long, but still comedy when they show the record line at the end.


Dumb Exercise Ball Stunt - Watch more free videos
OUCH!


Shy Dog Has a Surprise for the Camera - Watch more free videos
God Loves A Terrior!